BAKED | S01E04 – “Circumambulations Of A Rhinoceros”


Where is my Ipod? Where is my Ipod? Where the fuck is my Ipod?
Someone has stolen my Ipod! Where the fuck is my Ipod? Haris…
Go talk to Tara Tell her to come chill with us We don’t mind if her friends
want to chill with us too Have you gone nuts? I finally got Tara to
forgive me last night at the party… I don’t want to mess things up again
because you’re a horny idiot They were looking so hot
at the party last night Hey guys, you heard about Gandu Ganesh’s Ipod?
Apparently someone nicked it last night at the party Yeah, I read his status on Facebook
Bloody attention seeker! He’s been bragging
about his Ipod all week Says it won’t release in India
for another month 5th generation Ipod
3 megapixel… Audio recording What’s he getting so upset about?
It’s just an Ipod… I know who must’ve stolen it Oh ya, Sherlock!
Why don’t you tell us? Why don’t you solve the case
of the missing Ipod for us, Body? Did you notice that guy last night?
The one standing next to the bar the entire time The guy with long hair
He was really shady He must’ve stolen it! Wake and Bake at your service How much is it?
Rs.700 Hey Gandu Ganesh, have your parents gone to
Mauritius, leaving you all alone at home again? Don’t even think about coming in I don’t want you guys to fuck up
the ‘exclusivity’ of the party Thanks! I was at the bar… Sipping on
Gandu’s dad’s fancy single malts One neat, on the rocks Pour some more will you… Why are you being so stingy?
It’s not your booze, is it? Thanks! Nice smile
I like it And right then, I saw him at the bar Long hair and a weird beard
And he was carrying two phones Now you guys explain to me why he was
at the bar if he didn’t want a drink And who the hell carries two phones? This doesn’t prove anything
Bro I’m not finished He came again and this time he definitely
looked like he was up to no good He quietly pulled out a hundred rupee
note and gave it to the bartender And then he very shadily
pointed towards the dock Now tell me bro… If you had no intentions
of drinking then why would you order? He’s definitely upto something Even I did not drink alcohol and maybe he was
just tipping her, what’s the big deal in that? Yeah, that does not prove anything.
I’m not done yet When he leaned in towards the bartender…
I saw a 0.9 mil gun tucked under his t-shirt Hey don’t make up shit now alright?
It’s very very unlikely that a gangster looking man will walk into a party with a gun
to steal an Ipod Ok maybe the last part isn’t true
but the rest of it actually happened Fucking thief What’s up! Hi Tara
How’re you? I had such a hangover this morning
Still I made it to the 8:30 lecture Really? I might have some disprin in my bag
I often get migranes so I always keep … No no no! I’m fine now. Nothing four cups
of black coffee can’t cure you know what I mean? So Marion and Louis, these French foreign
exchange students that I’ve been chaperoning all week They’re really keen on smoking some doobies and chilling
I’m sure your shady friends have some weed on them Yes, definitely In fact, why don’t you come over
to our place in the evening? Are you sure they won’t have
any problem with that? No! No problem at all
More the merrier In fact, it’s our duty to show a good
side of India to our foreign friends They shouldn’t think that India
is just filled with sleezeballs. Right? Alright then, 8:30?
Perfect! Cool! And don’t forget the stuff
Bye! Tara and her friends are
coming over to ours tonight And your grandad’s going to
do the deliveries, right? Wake and Bake not in business today.
Wake and bake is hardly in business anyway Yes! Dude this is great… Oni do you remember Cartoon Network
would switch to TNT after 12 o’ clock? Yeah..The cartoon would pull
the lever and get a shock! Exactly! It used to get a shock
and then it switched to TNT Man those films were boring..
But they were full of nude scenes bro That’s why my parents didn’t
allow me to watch T.V. at night Bro… This is going to be amazing
Anything can happen tonight Tara said she wanted some weeds.
Weeds? But, our stuff is over Not an issue..We’ll go buy some
more from Weed Shankar Weed Shankar has left the business,
don’t you remember? Oh yeah, he’s a poet now What was the title of that book?
Circumambulations of a Rhinoceros: A collection of love poems
That is quite heavy Your drug dealer writes
his poems in English? He wrote them in Hindi,
but then the publishers… They thought it would sell more in English
so they published them in English Poor guy, he couldn’t even
like read his own work Hey wait, I think I have a copy of it He even gave us a contact
for the new dealer Here it is!
Munna Man I’m telling you…
It must’ve been the shady guy Bro, if you’d read any murder
mystery novels in your life… You’d know, that the most obviously
suspicious guy is never the killer at the end Oh ya? You seem to know a lot
Then why don’t you tell us who the real Ipod thief is? See , now that I think about it. I think I have
a pretty good idea of who stole the Ipod Who? Tiwari Tiwari? Wake and Bake at your service Hey Oni my brother! How are you? How are you Gandu?
I’m alright man… What can I say The party doesn’t start without you
Hey Apoorv… Vipul! How are you guys?
How is the party going bitches? Guys guess what…
Oni and his friends are here man! Let’s get this party started! Later last night, I was
one on one with Apoorv Everyone else had folded He thought he could outsmart me All in…
Your move Apoorv, looks like your parents
have increased your pocket money The moron was trying to pull a bluff He always scratches his
crotch when he bluffs Then I noticed something
really weird man… Tiwari, very shadily walked
out of the bathroom And he had that look in his eyes… Definitely not the “I left a floater in your toilet” look It was something else! I was playing cards with Pradhan and gang, while
Tiwari was standing right next to the music dock Changing the music every other second
and switching Ipods Tiwari, bro why do you keep changing tracks?
Let one of them play man… Shut your mouth or else
I’ll smack your face People were pretty tired by then
So the dance floor was quite deserted Perfect time and place for him
to nick Gandu Ganesh’s Ipod I found Tiwari shady right from the start Exactly! He is totally capable
of doing something like this I don’t think so. I’ve interacted
with him a few times… Seems like a simple guy…Doesn’t
come across as a thief at all Haris, my friend, you are too innocent
Anyone could take you for a ride What do you want? Weed Shankar sent us…
We’re here to meet Munna Tell me You’re Munna? Yes We need weeds You want us killed?
Come in Hurry up now.
Get in quick Sit What do you want? We want a gram of hash and… Could you please peel these, son? What did you say you want?
Umm a gram of hash please Gram of hash..I’ll just go get it Just check who is at the door Fuck! Which one – Wild or Cream? You guys wanted one gram or two? There’s no need to be shy How much did you want?
One gram or two? No no! We don’t want anything We were just… No problem, son… Now that you’ve come all the way
you may as well buy something Why are you scaring my customers? Business isn’t doing well
these days anyway What are you staring at?
Cough up the cash Alright, Inspector Gulaab… Here is your money You could’ve atleast
put it in an envelope You bring one with
you the next time Give me the potatoes Did I just crack a joke? Do you want to go to jail? Come, I’ll introduce you to my friends No sir
Sorry sir! Thank you Munna auntie Sorry… Guys if we keep cancelling
deliveries like this Before the end of the term
we will have to shut shop Chill out… It’s just one night
And think about it, French girls! Anyway, which one do you like?
Louis or Mariam? It’s not Mariam you moron
It’s Marion! French it up a bit Fine. I’ll take both of them then…
I’ve got no problems with that How are you so sure that either
of them would be interested in you? Foreigners love local boys…
And Body is the perfect local boy And besides, how are you so sure
that Tara’s interested in you? I made a solid impression at
Gandu Ganesh’s party last night She even pulled my cheeks Butt cheeks? Face!
She pulled mine… Haris, you keep pissing on our theories
If you’re such a Sherlock Holmes… Why don’t you tell us who stole the Ipod? 12:39 we reached Gandu Ganesh’s house. Haris, just let it be man
you can’t do this… Body, let’s go 12:39 we reached Gandu Ganesh’s
house and then after that… Wake and Bake, at your service How much is it?
Rupees seven hundred Nice party Ganesh Thanks You want to come in?
Have a drink or two maybe Thanks Ganesh
You are very sweet Tara has been waiting for you Just trust me Body,
Kader Khan is dead Hi Tara Hi Haris Do you like magic? Yeah… I love magic Choose a number between 1 and 9 Don’t say it out loud though I’ve thought of one Now pick a colour
Red or Black? I’ve picked one Now, a suit
It can be anything Club, Heart… Anything Okay Now look into my eyes Tara And think about your card Got it? And now, if I guess your card correctly You will have to forgive me And if you’re wrong? No chance baby Why don’t you check your bag Oh my god!
This is amazing How did you do it? Bullshit!!
What’s this story got to do with the theft? I’m not a detective Body I’m a magician! The girls are here…
Let’s set this place on fire! I do not understand a word
of what they are saying No. But, don’t they look
so cute while talking? Ca va? Oui Oui! Tara, I had no idea your
French was so good There’s a lot you don’t
know about me Hey, that day you left
without saying bye Yeah, so? So, that’s fine… Tara had to attend her classes, Body
She isn’t a lazy ass like you… Oh Body! I’d borrowed your shirt Here.
Thanks That’s my shirt Your beers’ done, I’ll go get you one more Body, you relax… I’ll go get it No worries Haris, I will go get it
You sit tight… Thanks guys Haris, I told you to chill…
What’s going on here? I’m getting the beer.
I know what you are trying to do And I also know that you don’t really like her
You just want to get in her pants… Like you do with every other girl.
Haris, what’re you talking about? You know about my feelings for Tara
and still you’re shamelessly flirting with her I wasn’t trying to flirt, I was just talking…
I know what you must be think of me That, Haris is such a dumbfuck… He can’t get any girl…
Forget about Tara And anyway Tara’s looking
so hot right? So tight! She doesn’t need drugs…
She’s so intoxicating! Just let me one chance with her and I…. Haris! You sick bastard Tara I never…
You’re disgusting! Tara Louis , Marion , let’s go…
We’re leaving Tara please I did not mean… Don’t laugh guys I don’t know why this always
has to happen to me? Man, you really added spark
to this dead end scene. You’re amazing! This is all your fault Guys relax … At least this gave us
an excuse to go score some pot Oye, give me the lighter Seeing that cop there was
shit scary though huh? This Munna is one badass dealer bro It took me a great deal to
get Tara to forgive me Now I don’t even know of
anymore magic tricks Shits man! Guys! You know what Gandu Ganesh’s
Facbook status was? Whoever stole my Ipod, is
going to die a dog’s death! Why is he getting so
worked up about an Ipod? Drives around in an Audi
and his talk is cheap I mean a guy who can buy ten Ipods
Why’s he getting so upset about losing one? What is it about that Ipod?

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