Blake Griffin Burns Adam Carolla & Celebrates Caitlyn Jenner (Full Set) – Roast of Alec Baldwin


Doing a great job.
Uh, Sean, you know what? I’m not gonna stand up here
and run a bunch of hacky gay jokes
into the ground, all right? I’m not “Will & Grace.” [laughter] Larry Bird is here.
I mean Nikki Glaser is here. – That hurts, Blake.
That hurts. [cheers and applause] – Uh, you know,
the only difference between Larry Bird
and Nikki Glaser is Larry could actually
pass as 33. [audience groaning] – Devastating! – I’m sorry.
You were so nice earlier. I– [laughter] I just–yeah. Nikki, look at you. You damaged little climber. [laughter] You know,
Nikki was the only girl kicked off Jeffery Epstein’s
island for networking. [laughter] Adam Carolla is here. [cheers and applause] You know, Adam looks like
the kind of guy who calls black athletes
“thoroughbreds.” [audience groaning] – Caroline Rhea from “Sabrina”
is here, give it up. Give it up. Caroline, if you’re here,
that means Salem the cat must have
turned this down, huh? [laughter] Sorry, Mr. De Niro,
we know how much you love that black pussy. [audience clamoring] Nice to meet you, by the way. [laughter] Big fan. Chris Redd looks like
a police sketch of someone doing blackface. You look like Nephew Jemima. – Oh, shit! Don’t talk about
my auntie like that. – Dude, dude, dude. – Why do you always look like
you just got your braces off? Speaking of Chris Redd,
Caitlyn Jenner is here. Uh, uh–I’m sorry,
I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Like Caitlyn, my transitions
are really awkward. Caitlyn completed her gender
reassignment in 2017, finally confirming
that no one in that family wants a white dick. [audience clamoring] Oh. – Oh. – Thought she was coming
after me there for a second. Caitlyn’s pussy is so young… – How young is it? – Alec just called it a rude,
thoughtless little pig. Look, look, for real,
I know we’re all here making fun of Caitlyn,
but honestly, I want to take this moment
to publicly thank you. As an athlete, I want to
thank you for your bravery. As a human, I want to thank you
for the doors you’ve opened. And on behalf of the entire NBA and half of the rappers
on the “Billboard” charts, I want to thank you
for giving your daughters their daddy issues. [cheers and applause] And now the man of the hour,
Mr. Alec Baldwin. Give it up. Alec, I can tell
you’re from New York because just like the Knicks,
you’ve somehow gotten worse every year
since the 90s. You know, Alec kind of looks
like a team owner that saves money by massaging
the players himself. And I played for
Donald Sterling, so… You might think Alec’s
had an easy life, but he’s had hardships. He once had someone
take his parking spot. Another time,
a flight attendant asked him to turn
his phone off before takeoff. And according
to Alec’s reactions, those are the two worst things
to ever happen to him. [cheers and applause] In the NBA, we have a term
for people like you. It’s a bad teammate. Like, you were in
“Glengarry Glen Ross” with Kevin Spacey
and you couldn’t even tell him that ABC doesn’t mean
“always blow children”? [audience clamoring] I would have told him. Uh, but you know what,
I’m happy I’m here tonight because tonight
I learned you’re a family man, you give to charity,
and you’re a big enough man to sit up here
and let us roast you. You truly are a kind,
thoughtful little pig. [cheers and applause] [upbeat music]

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