Humans and cauliflower share a common ancestor going back over 420 years. Which is why to this day, cauliflower is a very accurate map of the human brain [singing] Now, I’m no brain expert, but I do know enough about the brain to be able to tell you what every single little part does. This is the “cerebral flortex.” It governs your ability to sense and navigate across the ground. This is your “ankle center,” it’s an evolutionary leftover from when humans had no torso or legs, so, uh, 20% of the brain was used to process ankle function. So I’m just gonna take this standard RCA cable and jam that into my skull, and then reroute that into my camera. This little part right here is the speech control, it helps [voice pitch heightens] you know, govern, [voice lowers] the way your pitch works, um, [pitch wavers] the way the, uh, contour and timber of your voice works. [pitch continues to distort] It’d be pretty cool if you could play with that in real life, [unintelligible]. Going on a date, if you want to impress someone you can make [low pitch] your voice sound like this, but, you know. [pitch settles]
We have the voice that we have. [crunching]
Mmm. This part here controls the vision, um, your eyes are obviously a pretty important part of your body. ‘Cause without them, um, you wouldn’t be able to watch Netflix. Ouch, yeah, I feel that. Whoops… see if I can… get… Umm, no. I severed that. [crunching and chewing]
That’s vision. Oh! Shit! Luckily the brain is adaptable and I just, um…
[chewing noises] It’s, uh… [crunch] It’s too hard to explain. This here is your memory center, you gotta be careful when you fiddle around with this one… [Whooshing effect, eerie music] [child babbles incoherently] [man speaks in deep voice] Hey! How many times do I have to tell you? Stop playing with your food! [whooshing effect] [sighs heavily] This piece regulates breathing, circulation, skeletal, lymphatic, urinary, cardio, digestive, respiratory, endocrine, and reproductive systems. Elbows. And this half of the brain is devoted to second guessing text messages. [Chewing, mouth full] And that’s the brain. So I’m gonna get these into smaller pieces, about yea big, or smaller or bigger. A lot of them will just break off at the right size. What is the right size? [Mouth full, incoherent speaking]
I really like raw cauliflower, it tastes great. Bowl that. Olive oil, put in a little bit of coconut oil, for sweetness. See how that’s not pouring? [Chuckling] Throw some in there Salt– some salt… Pepper, pepper, pepper… …and some curry powder. We’re gonna whang-jangle this until it’s all smooth, and by smooth, I mean bumpy, ’cause cauliflower is not smooth. Onto the pan, Onion’s (oven’s) on four-something. Just make it hot. The word cauliflower is an anagram for “awful recoil,” and that’s because you shouldn’t eat cauliflower. Alright, let’s…whoa! Just jumped. Let’s give these a good rasslin’, and, kind of like, any vegetable You can cook it a little, or a lot. These will get mushy if you overcook them, just like steaming, or boiling. Don’t boil vegetables, have at least a modicum of respect for yourself, and for vegetables. Let’s try these… [Voice distortion] [crunch] Mmm! [low voice pitch] I was gonna put these back in, but these are done, man. That was maybe, 15 minutes, really hot? [voice heightens] So, you know [voice lowers] They’re much better when they’re still just a little bit crisp in my opinion, [voice heightens] but I’m not you! You’re just gonna have to go with, um, your own, personal, private feelings inside, which are governed by the emotional center which is right…here. [crunch] [voice lowers] So delicious! And it’s up. Just tastes so good. [calming music] [singing in a distorted voice]
You suck at cooking, oh my God, you suck, you suck, at cooking, oh my God, you suck so much, at cooking, you suck, so much.