Cooking For Villains – Ep 1: Pancakes!

Cooking For Villains – Ep 1: Pancakes!


Hello evildoers! It’s a new golden age of
villainy! Whether you’re planning on taking the world hostage with a lunar
based plasma cannon, or simply tormenting your nemesis by kidnapping
his loved ones, you still have to eat breakfast, so we’re making pancakes. I’m
Friedrich Lysander and this is Cooking for Villains You’ve probably noticed I’m sporting
these handsome robotic tentacles made of stainless excitanium and controlled
by a special microchip in my brainstem! These fellas are on loan from my
colleague, professor Sydney Squidowitz! I’ve been using them to manipulate
highly volatile isotopes! It’s all part of my plan to radiate the city and turn
everyone into bullfrogs… including Vanessa and her new “fiance…” now for
ingredients, we’ve got 2 cups of flour… 2 teaspoons baking soda, 1/4 teaspoon of
salt, 2 eggs, 2 tablespoons of butter, 2 cups of milk and some optional fruits or
berries… Now you don’t need robotic tentacles for this recipe but they will
make things more efficient so, if you’ve got them you’re gonna want to start with
some basic movements… up and then down… Okay, so you’re gonna want to practice a little
up front and soon you’ll get the hang of it… Now we’re gonna start by mixing
together our flour baking powder and salt and one bowl and our eggs in
another… then we’ll add the milk and melt down the butter, either with your
microwave or a precision laser beam! Like I said the microwave will work just fine
for melting the butter… so we’re gonna add that to the mix, stir it together,
then we’re gonna add this to our dry ingredients and mix everything up… now
you may notice that the squid arms create a little bit of a mess but what
they lack and tidiness they make up for in tenacity! Now if you are making these
to poison someone- perhaps a key witness or a romantic rival this is where you
would add your arsenic or cyanide… we’ll skip that this time… Now we’re gonna start up a medium-low heat and coat it with a thin film of vegetable oil… not
unlike the thin veil of sanity we present to the world in our daily lives!
Once it’s nice and hot we’re gonna drop little circular dollops of batter across
our surface and I’ll tell these lumps of batter the same thing I tell the
children in chainsaw class…. Don’t get too close together ! Pretty soon you’re gonna
see little pockets of air bubbling to the surface… much like the feelings of
rage and resentment that we villains experience most every day! that’s when you
know it’s time to flip your pancakes! Now flipping your pancakes
is like mutating your DNA to become a giant insect or spider in that
you really should only do it once. So once you’ve flipped all these guys,
it’s really just a matter of waiting another few minutes until you see a nice
brown edge along the bottom. Then these pancakes are finished.
You’re gonna put these fellas on a plate, get some butter and maple syrup, and you
are ready to start your day! Whether you’re planning world domination or
casual revenge! And we got some practice working with our squid arms! I don’t know
about you but, I’m gonna eat these pancakes and get back to work on those
isotopes! With any luck, next time you see me, you’ll be a bullfrog!
I’m Friedrich Lysander; stay sinister, people!

3 thoughts on “Cooking For Villains – Ep 1: Pancakes!”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *