Sup! It’s your boy Aleks here Stop! Welcome to Cooking with ya boy. It’s Aleks So here we got a special treat. You may have remembered our octopus friend that we got from the local market. Well, he’s not just for show! Okay? Can’t just be going around friggin’ poaching animals just for some content Like those on the Netflix shows But, I’m watching a YouTube video. I’m cooking along with a YouTube video Don’t try this at home kids! Alright… Every time I see an octopus, I think of that McDonald’s cartoon with the octopus in it? Where they go from real life to cartoon. You see that before? What? What you talking about? N-nothin’… This is the strongest octop– like, like I don’t want to face one of these things in the wild, dude! If It can fucking withstand a knife Alright, when…when knives don’t work *Random Trevor sound* Gonna fucking cut it. Yeah! There we go, what now, bitch? Scissors beat octopus! Yeaaahhhuugh *Aleks sound* eh Fuck… The fuck do I… You could give it someone Alright so, we are placing this in the saucepan with some water Boi! You don’t want too much water on your octopus We don’t have Bailey, but I bought some of my extra virgin olive oil. Trevor, you know a lot about this one huh? Mmm. Yeah, for sure, dude… There’s a suggestion about white wine, you know just to bring out the flavor? We’re fuckin’ going with Bacardi, dude! We just gonna put Bacardi on this bitch. Woo! We’re gonna boil this baby, so Turn this stove… How you turn this on actually? Is it this one? *Beep*…*Beep* Yeah, hi, on. That’s the wrong cover… How much water is in there? Is it a lot? Ew dude.. that…. stinks! Oh god, it’s already boiling! *beep beep beep* I’m gonna let it simmer For… … …an hour But I need the top for it… A plate, maybe? You can use a… Like this white plate… A WHITE PLATE? Why’s it gotta be WHITE? *record scratch* Oh s– j– this plate… You fucking racist Wait why not just use this pan then? Just switch it out? What? Use this one Because I’m sure… It’s not big enough! Thinking about fitting an entire octopod here, dude? In here? Maybe it would work… Great I think it’s the one Brett uses to cook his grilled cheese though… This one?!? Yea… Brett, Brett uses this to cook his grilled cheese?!?! I think… Okay, so… The problem with me doing this… Watch out Okay. Good job everybody Oooh! Oooh! Oooh? Oooh it’s Oooh! Okay cool What?! We’re fine… add little bit of The true and only seasoning… SALT! That’s a little special Wake everybody up a little bit, not too much, but you know what I mean cool We’re gonna add some uh You know holiday, holiday mix holiday season you know people like fruitcake I’m gonna add a little bit of fruit of our own in here. There we go, look at that Look at that, now that’s gonna boil in here with.. with the octopus or simmer on low heat Have some of that INFUSED flavor. Honestly dude. I don’t you ever watch Masterchef, but I’d boil that show out of the water… Well, I say I’d blow that shell out of the water!… It’s like a shellfish… Well technically it’s not. It’s not a shellfish actually. Yeah But it’s good joke though… …You seen the McDonald’s cartoon I was talking about? I know what I’m getting for Christmas Hey look at that, we’re…. it’s been an hour and here we are With cooking… *Aleks attempts to eat the camera* Cooking with ya boy, Aleks. So if you can you recall last time. First of all I don’t know why this… Fuckin breadstick is here *nom* This thing finished cookin’ and mmmMMMMMMM Doesn’t that smell great? By the way if you’re a chef at home, and you’re watching this cringing Sorry dude. Some of us didn’t go to college to uh, play with fucking forks and knives, alright? Some of us didn’t even go to college, so that’s like… It’s a little bit harder than before So it’s easier to cut through. That looks… Looks cooked. Bon appétit. Oh wait, are you supposed to remove these? Dude, I almost choked on the fuckin’… What do you call it? Suction cup? Yeah, I almost choked… I almost choked on a suction cup. Gonna add a little bit of a Ital– Italian flavor *Aleks’ weird fake Italian shit* *Aleks still attempting to be Italian* Where is the meatballs? *Aleks, stop* Quit touching your sister! It kinda looks like, you know. You go to a nice fancy restaurant. You might get something like this You know what I mean? – Mm-hmm.
– Know what I’m saying Trevor? Mm-hmm. People could have a little bit of bread. It’s like a.. it’s like a fusion mix, you know what I’m sayin’? It’s like Olive Garden. I didn’t get any like parsley or any like garnish But… I do spot someone’s salad here. Ew. Yeah that’s old. Or is it? My hands are clean. I washed them this morning. Beauty is in the eye of beholder, but thou shalt judge whilst being judged It’s a life lesson. Let’s see how everyone else feels about This delicate dish. Hello Lindsey, you’re a food connoisseur, right? Yeah I don’t like seafood. Hmm not.. not because you don’t like it normally, but because you haven’t tried something this good yet. I’m… Definitely not interested. I’m not asking. Okay. Well, I’m telling. I don’t.. I don’t eat seafood, and I don’t eat bread. It sounds like you’re very unappreciative of what I’ve got going on– Oh you eat that, oh guess how old that is? That.. that’s just garnish. It’s not even supposed to be part of the dish I love it. It’s not like that freed you. It’s not like eating a salad. Can’t eat those things. What things? I can’t eat this octopus, and I can’t eat this bread. Shut up, don’t say it… I’m not leaving until you eat this. Okay, then you’re just gonna be sitting here while I work. Why’d you eat like eggs chewed up by Brett? I didn’t eat them. I just… Well then chew on it Can you please stop doing your work? So you can do this work? Stop… it’s… you’re… Stop, you’re actually stressing me out. I don’t want it. No I don’t want it. Yeah Does it smell good? No, it smells fucking disgusting. What does it smell… disgusting? What about the fruit though? What the fu– – What are you talking about?
– I don’t like seafood. Do you know how much effort I put into this? That’s great, I hate it. I don’t like seafood. You haven’t even tried it yet, what do you mean you hate it? How are you gonna tell me you hate it? I’m actually trying to do something, I’m tryin’ to go to culinary school after this and you haven’t fuckin’ even give me your opinion yet I don’t want to be a part of this. What’s that? This is… *fancy french* Um… That’s old bread, but mainly I’d like you– This isn’t the bread that James had in the fish tank? What I’d like for you to do is to try some of this. Uh, I’ve.. I’ve…. I’ve put in a lot of effort into making this and I just need your real opinion about What it tastes like? Tastes like a… Tastes like umm…. Nothing really. There’s no flavor. Careful of the suckers, by the way. Is it missing flavor? Hey Anna, you’re my friend right? I’m trying to go.. I’m trying to leave this…. city. I want to move somewhere where I can… learn more about cooking And I’ve made this and I want you to try and give me your opinion on it Okay. It smells like a tuna. Mmm. That’s kinda what I was going for. Oh, it’s like warm. Lukewarm? Well, I mean, I would hope that if it’s seafood that it’s cold Right? – Is that how it is?
– I dunno. Like sushi? Yeah, yeah, that’s like raw but this is cooked. Oh. Oh my god that is so gross… Now when you say gross do you mean like… – Like it could…
– Sorry. Use more salt, or like… You haven’t even tried it with… You haven’t tried it with the olive oil. Please Please. You haven’t tried it with the um… It’s imported. I’m not gonna chew this, because… What do you mean… That was a good shot. It’s a pretty good turnout See some positive feedback. Oh, it’s really good. Make sure to tune in next week when I cook more stuff around the office Oh my god… There’s just no flavor in it. It literally tastes like you just chewin on like rubber. It’s missing salt. There you go. That’s better. This is better? That’s a lot better. It’s a lot better. That’s pretty good stuff right there. Great. I’m gonna vomit. That was real good guys. Thank you for um… Wait, you wanna try a piece? Let’s try a piece, yeah. Oh god… Mmm, that’s really… just like chicken. *vomiting noises* Yogurt. Brett, don’t you wish you were a– don’t you wish you weren’t a vegan right now so you could have some of this? Are you jealous? So jealous right now. Dude you can’t have it you’re a veganist! I’m a… *laughing* I’m only doing this because I don’t want this animal’s life to go to waste. We have to make good content of everything. Watch out for the suckers. *Aleks having a stroke while attempting to speak* Yeah. Suckers. Doesn’t taste like anything. It’s the salt, that’s flavored. Put some salt on this for me. You want some salt? Yeah dude. Asher said it was a lot better with the salt. Yeah it’s much better. Oh God. What? Oh that’s the uh… This is making me gag. I can’t even touch it. It’s too gross. What is that? That’s the head, I was supposed to cut off the head from the body. Why don’t you do something with it? I think it’s like a good luck charm in some countries What am I gonna do with it? Give it to Lindsey. I’m gonna throw it… I’m gonna throw it at Lindsey’s head. People around here don’t appreciate my cooking, I spent hours over the stove slaving away Why’d you throw this at me? AHHHH *fancy french* Hey, thanks for watching this episode Uhhhhhhhhh Hope you guys enjoyed it. Trevor what are you eatin’ over here? Uhhh, eggs bacon hashbrowns Mmmmmmmmmm I was supposed to get a biscuit, but they gave me pancakes. I don’t like pancakes too much It’s too much like bread. You don’t like pancakes dude? What’s wrong with pancakes? You don’t like panca– *nom* Ew dude.