COW CHOP ROAST

COW CHOP ROAST


Voiceover: Welcome to the Cow Chop roast! There’s been some tension in the office lately… and it’s time to release some of the pressure. Each competitor needs to roast the other in order to make them laugh. If the opponent laughs, they will get slapped. Let the roast begin! Aleks: Trevor. Trevor: Aleks. Aleks: You have hair that grows in weird places. Trevor: I’m fully aware that- Right here doesn’t grow on my butt chin. Aleks: It’s not, it’s just in different places you..It’s.. it’s almost unnatural.. Trevor: At least I can grow some facial hair. Voiceover: HmmHmmHmm. Very good. Joe: If you were on fire, and I had water, I’d drink it. Asher: When you do some- some back-strokes at the beach do people think that there’s a shark in the water, with your nose. Aleks: I feel like I’m everything you wish you were. Trevor: Well I mean, I don’t want to be an alcoholic so you can probably minus that out.. Joe: Heard your uhh.. your parents brought you to a dog show, and you won. Voiceover: Almost got him there. Asher: I think you’d make a perfect Jesus. Play a perfect Jesus, in a all-midget recreation of Passion of the Christ. Trevor: You look uhh, kind of chunky now. Aleks: You always look chunky. Voiceover: Ouch, that’s gotta hurt. [Laughter] Trevor: Yo, that’s fucked up dude. Voiceover: He gets a slap for that one. [Laughter] Joe: There’s that big earthquake last night. Asher: Yeah. Joe: But it must have been you just falling out of bed [Giggling] Voiceover: That was a good recovery from Asher. Asher: Yo mama.. ..her teeth.. ..are so crooked.. that when she smiles her teeth form a gang sign. Trevor: There was a period in time when you were trying to be fashionable with your weird long shirts… And I thought that was kind of gay. [Laughter] Trevor: Okay, I laughed, um Aleks: It only counts if you laugh Trevor: Okay Aleks: It counts if I- Trevor: Alright yeah I’ll laugh at my own joke. Aleks: Okay I smirked a little…it was funny Trevor: Can I get a slap? Aleks: You want me to slap you again? Trevor: No I want to slap- and this is- no.. I don’t want to you wanna slap- Aleks: You wanna slap me? I didn’t really laugh that hard. Trevor: Okay, whatever fine man. Aleks: Alright fine you can slap me.. Trevor: I’ll do like a backhanded Aleks: Why would you do the backhand? I’m back- the fuck? Trevor: It’s more like I just cut you with my nail than anything. Joe: My favorite game to play is uhm… Is uh… connect the dots on the- the moles on your face. [Awkward laughing] Asher: What was your favorite game to play back in the gas chamber? Aleks: Why do… You, Asher and Joe always come to work together? Trevor: ’cause Joe’s car is broken down and he had to pick us up Oh wait is there more to that? Or.. Aleks: Nah I just wanted to know [Giggling, Laughter] [Trevor can’t contain himself] Trevor: Dude so fucking stupid! You better stop laughing.. Voiceover: Aaand thats a laugh — for a slap. Trevor: Gosh dang, you made me spill my soda dude! Aleks: You should probably lay off the soda. Voiceover: Another fine roast from Aleks. Joe: I heard your birth certificate is an apolo- apology letter from the- the condom factory. Asher: Does your nose act as a flotation device? Trevor: Do you always buy bikes from Amazon ’cause your dad was never there… to let you ride them Aleks: No he wasn’t Trevor: Okay.. [Slurping Intensifies] Aleks: You have a dad though right? Trevor: Yeah Aleks: Is he proud of you? Trevor: Can’t say he is Asher: Is it true that.. uh.. when you see a cross your skin burns Joe: No. Asher: Oh. Joe: If you want I can uh.. Go out to the store and buy you some soap ’cause you stink. [Controlled Laughs] Asher: That’s a pretty good one Joe. Trevor: I feel like you just let like a second-grader choose your tattoos…make first- first try… Aleks: Yes, thank you. Trevor: Yeah. Aleks: -for helping you choose them. [Trevor loses it again] Asher: You’re Jewish….idiot. Joe: You’re dirty, Nazi. Aleks: Why does the hair on the top of your head grow out faster than the hair on the side of it? Trevor: That’s how I got my haircut. [Laughter] Trevor: What kind of question is that? [Laughing harder] Trevor: So stupid, you can’t make me laugh- the fuck- Aleks: Alright. Joe: You need to get a new haircut. Asher: I agree. Joe: Yeah.. Asher: You too.. Joe: Yeah, probably… Asher: Now we’re just agreeing with each other. Joe: Yeah, I agree with you. Asher: Yeah, and you bring up good points. Trevor: Do you find it easier to get women when you look like a lesbian or when you look like a actual man? Aleks: I’m just watching you.. Trevor: That’s fine. Aleks: It’s like I’m at the zoo.. The monkey exhibit. Asher: Joe why he’s so nice all the time are you……gay? Joe: Yeah, I’m happy. I’m just happy. Yeah. Joe: I’m gonna have to uh…. Tell Brett that you’ve been taking food out of the cabinets and bring it home Asher: What? Joe: ‘Cause you’re… you’re poor. [Laughing] Voiceover: You gotta slap him. Asher: Slap me? Voiceover: Yes. [Background: Hard! Hard! Hard!] Asher: Ohhhh…Joe Aleks: You should switch to a different toothpaste [Both Laughing] [Composure] Aleks: Do you wanna end it… Trevor: Just… just give me a real hard slap Like a really hard one. Trevor: AAGHH! [Aleks, background]: Do you like getting slapped? Brett: Heeyyyy, thanks for watching this roast video I wasn’t there, but I kind of heard some of it, it sounded pretty funny Hey, if you like this and you’re not subscribed to- you know you can subscribe to channels on YouTube It’s this new thing they added. We can push a button and then Actually, nothing happens. They won’t always send you the video so it’s kind of weird.. Uh down below there’s a merch link we got a patreon.. It’s super cool. You can join the milk club if you want to this is a pretty long post roll gotta go bye!

100 thoughts on “COW CHOP ROAST”

  1. Joe and Asher are kinda joking and not really that mean.

    But Aleks and Trevor and just trying to demolish each other.

  2. I think these are funny more because of how terrible every attempt is than because they were actually funny in of themselves.

  3. I totally thought in my head after joe said "If you want i can go buy some soap cus ya stink."

    "Wouldnt be the first time ive got soap from a jew."

  4. …you can tell that Asher was always the slow kid in class…not that it's bad or anything….but it's just true.

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