Dépression, anxiété : pas à pas sur le chemin de braises

Dépression, anxiété : pas à pas sur le chemin de braises

Step by step on the embers path…. In this recording, I would like to discuss, to offer a support on disorders which don’t have the attention they deserve or at least the subtlety necessary to accompany them properly. I am thinking in particular of anxious depression which doesn’t get the understanding and respect this process deserves, because it’s a process of reparation, a healing process, with very deep spiritual implications. The first thing we need when we go through this kind of ordeal is reassurance. However, I must say that the medical community is anything but reassuring. Most therapists, generalists that we meet at the time of experiencing this inner collapse cannot know what they are talking about because they haven’t lived this inner experience. And it’s necessary to have lived it in order to understand it. It is inescapable. And there is also a glaring lack of perspective in the medical field, a lack of a spiritual perspective in any case. The lack of understanding, the lack of respect for people’s vulnerability mean that words, vocabulary, the language used are clumsy to say the least. The prospects for this collapse, spiritual prospects, prospects for profound transformation, should be clearly stated from the outset, not to mention the dullness caused by the prescription of psychotropic drugs distributed with relatively little discernment. The spiritual support I offer you in this recording, with practical suggestions, can be useful to you if you are subject to the so-called mental disorders or for slightly less intense empty periods as well. First, I would like to correct this expression of mental disorder, because it seems completely inappropriate to me. There is no mental disorder, in the sense that the thought would be at the origin or creator of the disorder, and even if the thoughts make their little show in this process, they are not the cause of anything. Those are really emotional disorders, emotional and spiritual. Moreover, the expression mental disorder is charged with the caricature of madness, which is completely outdated today and so it’s better to abandon the expression altogether. We’ll talk about emotional disorders with a spiritual vocation I will therefore propose a succession of painful moments that require accompaniment with practical suggestions. You can take them one after the other, selecting some that speak to you more in difficult times. It will pass… It will pass. What goes through us may sometimes seem insurmountable, but it will pass, as it always does. You cannot be broken in your soul by what you’re living. Just think about breathing. Sometimes there’s only one thing to do: let it go. Letting go and breathing is a teaching in itself. To let oneself be gone through is a major key in our existence. Nothing is static in our lives, everything evolves. That’s the promise that it will pass. It’ll pass. This heartbreaking moment…. This heartbreaking moment. it is unheard of, unspeakable, no one can understand it. And this loneliness… Distressed, you are certain that you have been totally abandoned, banished from life. You even feel like you’re dying. What an agony. I understand you, deeply. That’s not nothing. I share this immense sorrow that reduces you to nothing. You’re really not alone, then. You can hold on to this branch during the storm. Someone knows what you’re going through and tells you that something good is coming, something good is coming. Take it in your heart, in times of sorrow and terror. I am in a healing process I am in a healing process. What I am experiencing is not a destruction of my deeper nature. It’s an intense process of reparation that affects all the strata of being. Every time my thoughts lead me to the idea of decay, of destruction, I say to myself: “I am in a healing process”. My worry is ploughing me to plant new seeds… My worry is ploughing me to plant new seeds… Anxiety is one of the most terrible sensations. It leaves no respite and seems to bring us to the edge of a precipice. But it’s only a sensation, a by-product of this healing process that sometimes kneads us so intensely. Observing fear as a symptom of the reorganization of my incarnation changes my relationship with it. My worry kneads me to shape something new in me. The collapse brings me back to what’s essential… The collapse brings me back to what’s essential. As I collapse, I see all my arrogance disintegrate. It’s a radical simplification of my being. No compromise can survive this inner tsunami. What was not really me will be consumed and my deep nature will finally be able to emerge. Heroes and heroines of the emergence of the soul…. Heroes and heroines of the emergence of the soul. In the world as it is today, with these dominant values so mediocre, few people will tell you, but you are the hero, the heroine of this existence, facing in secret and alone the most powerful forces. Your resilience is admirable, your fight is the most beautiful and perhaps the only fight worth celebrating. You stand, even if sometimes weakly, in the most important turmoil of your life. And even if, at times, you are so sure that you will no longer hold on, you will, because you are a hero and a heroine of the emergence of the soul. I can hold on, my strength is deep… I can hold on, my strength is deep. At times, you are sure that you will not be able to last another day, that it’s impossible. Yet it has already happened, you’ve held on and you will do it again. Life calls you, better days are ahead of you and this terrifying moment of weakness is only temporary. Your strength doesn’t go out, at the bottom, but it’s sometimes as if inaccessible, veiled by the ongoing storm. But also, it’s when we have no personal strength that we can rely on a strength beyond us. I don’t have to believe what my thoughts are saying… I don’t have to believe what my thoughts are saying. Some disorders cause a form of mental chaos. Dark thoughts are very convincing, but they don’t for all that tell the truth. You don’t have to believe what your thoughts are saying. It is better to remember this: “My thoughts don’t tell me the truth”, even if you think otherwise, that’s the point. The impression of the absurdity of life is not totally false, on one level, but it’s only a very small part of reality. It’s better not to plan anything concrete in the middle of those thoughts. Morbid thoughts are only by-products of the repair process in your central nervous system. Nothing very sensible. The disorder announces a new order. Let the thoughts do their circus from time to time and connect to the stratum of the soul, which has nothing to do with all these scenarios. Physical symptoms can be frightening, yet they’re safe… My physical symptoms can be frightening, yet they’re totally safe. They are sometimes spectacular, they give the impression that the body won’t be able to hold, that the heart will fail, that it’s more than a human being can bear. The breaking point sometimes seems so close. Yet it’s imaginary. These symptoms do not mean that you will die, even when they really give the impression that you will. These excessive body responses to stress have no destructive power, even when they are severe and temporarily disabling. I feel all my emotions ten times stronger! I feel all my emotions ten times stronger. We are here, in this incarnation, among other things, to become sensitive again. It is sometimes necessary to go through times of acute sensitivity for this capacity to take hold, after so many years of indifference, shielding and unbalanced emotionality. This emotional acuity is often very strong and gives the impression that it will totally overwhelm you, but it is safe. Something is developing in you at the same time that should reassure you. The dikes of love will give way under this tsunami and the soul that will be reborn afterwards will be magnificent. I feel helpless… I feel helpless. It’s true, it’s so hard to feel totally helpless. There’s nothing you can do to change your condition sometimes. You’d like to find the one before, but it’s not coming back. But feeling powerless is also about wanting to change things in your own way and we necessarily have a limited vision of what’s happening. We might as well rely on the necessary time of the process and not try to control it. This process doesn’t belong to me, I’m not the one who makes it and undoes it. Patience. Sometimes the pain is monstrous…. Sometimes the pain is monstrous.. The feeling of this relentless pain that seems to crush the chest is painful. It’s an ordeal. But this pressure is only an impression, which will also pass. Nothing crushes you, the chest has no anvil, weight or elephant on it. Density comes from elsewhere and reflects a process so profound that it disrupts everything that was previously established. I let the pain pass, it won’t kill me. Look at what is given to you, not just
what has been taken back from you…. Look at what is given to you, not just what has been taken back from you. Every day, take stock of your successes, no matter how small. Every day in the tunnel can seem so dark and your ability to act so limited. You no longer recognize yourself and you would like to be more active, more alive, less overwhelmed. Yet, in the midst of this handicap, things are being accomplished in you, through you and sometimes thanks to you. They should be found and recorded at least once a day. No matter how small, these things confirm that you are alive and healing. Look at what is given to you, not just what has been taken back from you. It’s not a fall, it’s a rescue of my soul… It’s not a fall, it’s a rescue of my soul. It isn’t a disaster I’m suffering, even though I have the right to scream and cry in the heartbreaking process I’m going through. It’s a rebirth that is offered to me. Whenever possible, rather than slip into
my dark hole, I turn to others…. Whenever possible, rather than slip into my dark hole, I turn to others. There are forced solitary moments, no need to force anything, but there are also moments when dialogue with others brings us out of the abyss. The approach to the abyss will become finer and finer, until it becomes a real passage, but in the meantime, it is sometimes necessary to withdraw from it and open up to a diversion to better resume the approach afterwards. Prayer of gratitude for the body…. Prayer of gratitude for the body. My body, I complain that you don’t do as I would like. I complain about how you are handling this challenge, instead of thanking you for your constant work, for what you are doing so that my soul can continue its journey of incarnate life. I no longer want to be ungrateful and with these words, I thank you for what you accomplish for your incredible resilience. My soul is still in this world because of you. She is continuing her project. I pledge to respect you better. You are wonderful, my body. I love you. You are not alone…. In France alone, 5 million people take antidepressants every year and others experience this ordeal without taking them. You’re not alone. It is a process that affects particular souls at a particular time in their lives. Do not limit your understanding of this phenomenon to medical, cold and technical terms. There is much more at work. There’s nothing I can do…. There’s nothing I can do. It is difficult to feel disabled without constantly remembering what we could accomplish before, not so long ago, and watching others continue to be able to do it. Yet there is another way to approach this situation. If you can’t do anything at all, don’t do anything at all and learn to accept and appreciate this non-doing which is not total, because the intelligence of life continues to work in you. Your symptoms are proof of this. Crying… Crying. Crying is essential. I have to let the tears flow, evacuate the tension this way and not hold back this flow thinking I could drown in it. Blocking this effusion would have difficult consequences. If I am a man, I have to reconcile myself with this emotional expression. It is not shameful to cry. There is no forfeiture in having grief, even if it seems to be for no reason. What happens in my body when I cry is precious. My tears repair and repair again, even beyond my own history. I have to face the facts, repressing tears increases the tension. The intelligence of my body requires that the valves be opened. Grief may seem inexhaustible, it has its function and only mental reflection, frightened in the face of the event, can interfere. I won’t cry forever, but right now, in this moment, if I have to cry, I cry. Exhaustion is illusory…. Exhaustion is illusory…. I feel an immense weariness, a tiredness that overwhelms me. I can only believe that I am exhausted and that I no longer have any strength. Yet this exhaustion is illusory, in the sense that it’s not real. It’s just a psychic density, resulting from the process I’m going through. A burst of vitality could well appear in the moment, as if I’d never been tired. It’s better if I don’t worry about this sensation, rest if necessary, or do not pay attention to this fatigue and act if possible. Many of my symptoms, although powerful, are illusions and will leave no trace afterwards. They tell me: it’s all in my head…. They tell me: it’s all in my head. To simplify, to be less afraid, by negligence, people say these kinds of things: it’s all in the head, such a reductive expression that it’s like saying you’re crazy. But little is actually happening in the head and none is coming from the head. Of course, thoughts make their show, but they are not the cause, just electrical consequences in the brain. Everything is in the emotional stratum of your being and at the level of this main fault that motivated your incarnation and that comes to be repaired now. Everything is therefore much deeper and more subtle than what you’re told. You’re not crazy. You open a door that not everyone is ready to open. Just look at the effect it has on you to understand it. Depression marks the end of the domination
of the outside world over the inner life…. Depression marks the end of the domination of the outside world over the inner world. the end of the supremacy of the surface layers of life over the deep layers. Your painful passage did not come because you lacked personal satisfactions, materialistic pleasures that should be found to fill them. It comes to tell you that another exploration is possible, a much richer universe that opens up to you. But the turbulence you are experiencing comes from the revolution at work, because of this change of orientation, and which goes from the illusion of superficial possessions and satisfactions to the emergence of the soul. You will find your soul again and it will soon tell you what’s right for you now. Repair processes in the nervous system
do not follow a linear progression…. Repair processes in the nervous system do not follow a linear progression…. In other words, you may feel better one day and worse the next. This is how this healing takes place. This does not mean that things are going wrong. No panic, if possible, no massive use of drugs in panic, no unnecessary visits to the emergency room. The process unfolds in this way, with successive ups and downs, improvements and transient relapses. The mind would like to see things follow a more regular curve, but you have to remember that painful waves do a cleaning that must be integrated during a calmer time, before resuming until they are finished. It’s a determined process that will go all the way, for the best. The feeling of devastation eliminates
the superfluity of my life…. The impression of devastation, the feeling of no longer being anything, reveals the extent of the superfluous and the illusion. That’s why you don’t only want to rebuild yourself, at the risk of building the same thing as before, but to incarnate something more authentic, less automatic, less conditioned. Being in one’s place, at peace with what is, is won at the cost of some serious crossings. Not to rely only on the fantasies of the world and on others, but to find one’s inner base, is won at the end of this tunnel. Not only to relieve boredom, but to live this inner poverty as the beginning of a wealth. The monster’s work…. The monster’s work. Every day, the monster chooses its hours to come and eat you from within, tearing the plexus and heart to make its way through the chest and take up all the space. He settles in, for a period of time that seems to be an eternity. The vertigo is striking. It sucks in the life force, makes people mute or unable to formulate what is happening. It isolates us from everything and everyone. A heart-rending scream rises and is released, but only very rarely relieves. It leaves us devastated, as if by speaking out, it was stealing the last crumbs of energy. The hope of seeing this pain disappear one day is the tenuous thread that keeps us alert and alive. The idea that there is a positive meaning reinforces my determination. But if there was no monster, if God’s fire was consuming the superfluous, could I see it like that, even in the most terrible moments? What if these manifestations, which I watch as a horror film, indicate a search for balance in the body, a new balance that the rigid matter makes laborious? If only that were the case. I arrange as much as possible a living environment made of reassurance and love… I arrange as much as possible a living environment that conveys reassurance and love… Reading world news, as peddled by the media, is to be prohibited. Conflicts should be avoided. Stress that is avoidable should be avoided as often as possible. Softness in your actions and words should be privileged. Even if it will not immediately be enough to produce gentleness within you, you will avoid complications by promoting rest and accepting it, no matter how long it lasts, and the social pressures to do something, when you’re unable to do so. Try to surround yourself well, avoid discussions with people who don’t understand at all what you are going through or who judge it too aggressively. Those who haven’t experienced this crossing cannot take the measure of it, we must forgive them. Find a sympathetic ear to pour out when necessary. It has been proven that love has a greater effect than morphine and other medications to ease the pain. Here I am, shaking and ashamed of it… Here I am, shaking and ashamed of it. To shake for no reason in a world where we are expected to have the illusion of being strong, not vulnerable, that’s difficult. My body trembles and this tremor seems to come from so deep inside me, even my inner organs give the impression of vibrating and so does my soul. So…? I tremble and I accept to tremble, that’s what’s happening right now, for me. I don’t need to compare myself to the ideal image of myself not shaking, to the image of others not shaking, who are in shape, I don’t think I’m ridiculous or crazy. I tremble because life Intelligence makes my body vibrate, to allow the luminous expression of my deep buried nature. Why would we want to stop this? Sometimes I would like to die to put an end to all this… I would like to die to put an end to all this. The time to leave will come in its own time. What you are living in the meantime is life, it’s alive, even if it’s not what you wanted. It is worth living it by remembering that, although the process sometimes looks like an endless story, it will come to an end at its own time. Miracles are already happening in the chemistry of the body, transformations are at work, your body’s laboratory is designing a new being. What could be more interesting, more rewarding? We must forget all our ideas about an ideal life and not get too attached to deadly thoughts, because this part of our life is not wasted, it is not lost. Even if it does not conform, it is a redemption. I can relax in the chaos…. I can relax in the chaos…. My collapse is not something I have done or must fight, it’s a process that’s being done. Having nothing to do to make it happen, I can somehow relax in this whirlwind. I miss the joy…. I miss the joy…. The others, all the others seem to be more alive than me, more joyful. I am like an exile from life and I have a painful nostalgia for the past, for the time when everything seemed easier. But even if these times are harder for me, I must not delude myself. I don’t know what others are going through, I don’t know what they’ll experience tomorrow, I don’t know if the smile I see on their faces is joy. I don’t even know if what I was going
through before all that was really that easy. These thoughts and projections are just constructions born of my difficult mood. The comparison with others, the past, is of no help, even if it tends to impose itself on me often. It’s better to remind myself: “I miss joy, but it’s not far away, it will come back and the simplicity of being too.” Better yet, everything will be even more alive and the healing will make me so much more open and loving. To the person accompanying… To the person accompanying. It is better to talk softly, not too fast, not too loud, to talk about positive things, even if the person does not seem sensitive to them, and to reassure continuously and repeatedly about the upcoming end of the trial. Not to be affected by the denials and negativity of the suffering person. She doesn’t really resist what is said, it’s her discomfort that is expressed. Positive words sometimes have no apparent impact, but they are infinitely preferable to saying nothing at all or to verbal clumsiness. Do not wait for a predictable answer. It’s just enough to communicate the luminous perspective of the current trial, because the soul always hears even if it says nothing. Whatever the nature of your thoughts,
you don’t go “crazy”…. Just because your mind is crossed by horrible images or thoughts doesn’t mean you go crazy. This impression of losing one’s mind, because one is losing one’s footing, is a universal thought. We must absolutely move away from the popular image of the madman, because it differentiates too precisely between normal and unbalanced people. Both terms are used in the most common discussions in a senseless way. Everyone can and will probably have such disorders at some point in their lives. So everyone is crazy or no one is, under these conditions. Let’s move on. You are going through things that do not belong to you, parasitages caused by an amazing process, which is not life threatening. Understanding the strata of being makes it possible to realize that the fundamental stratum of the soul is not affected by what happens in the emotional stratum. What crosses you does not define you any more than the motor boat crossing the river belongs to the river. Why are my prayers unanswered? Why are my prayers unanswered? Because there is no answer to give. The process is its own answer. You just have to learn to live it. Why is it so painful? Why is it so painful? Because it’s very deep. How to live it at best? How to live it as lightly as possible? Remembering that this is a meticulous healing process. Breathe… Breathe. With your chest compressed, your stomach tied, it can be difficult to even think about breathing or to try to do so. But do it simply, without changing the rhythm of the breath. Rather than stay focused on these morbid thoughts that are going nowhere, we might as well get back to breathing. Feel the air entering the lungs and then let it go. Do it again. If thoughts attract you again, bring your attention back to breathing. The air comes and goes, like any sensation. It’s the story of what you’re going through, too. Let it come, let it go. Do it for a few minutes from time to time, without forcing anything. The abyss that opens under your feet… The abyss that opens under your feet. It’s so real at that moment, no one could convince us that it doesn’t exist. It seems like it wants to suck up to our soul. However, there is no abyss. It’s just a feeling, just a feeling. But the image of the abyss is not there by chance either. We lose our footing as a social persona and this one clings to the edge of its imaginary abyss, until death. The repetition of the contact with the abyss will reveal its true nature, a passage that seems so radical to what we think we are that it’s like a small death to approach it. There is no abyss, but it doesn’t matter to feel abyss either. Never mind. Soon, this fear will show you the way and you will be happy to have been there. Food… Food. The nervous system seeks to provide you with a new foundation for the emergence of the soul. It is beneficial to accompany it by providing it with appropriate food. It is not a question of adopting a “one size fits all” diet for everyone, but of avoiding substances that will stimulate a nervous system already under great strain. It means: no alcohol, no coffee and as much sugar reduction as possible. For those who want to go further, you can experience the reduction of gluten, flavor enhancers in commercial prepared dishes and dairy dishes. Signs of improvement…. Signs of improvement.. I doubt it, because I’m not sure I see any improvement. Is there even progress? How can we continue to hope when nothing seems obvious? However, the progress is real, subtle and profound, but our attention is focused on expected effects and misses others, unexpected, that take their place. Nature is slow and the new balance must take its time. And then there’s this feeling of hindsight at times and the mind panics at its anxious evaluations. It’s time to accept that we will not understand
what’s happening to us with our head. It is enough to remember, to say to oneself intimately: I am healing. Then, of course, there will come a time when everything will be clearer, but it won’t necessarily come when we would have liked, on our internal agenda. I don’t know how to evaluate what I’m going through…. I don’t know how to evaluate what I’m going through, so I might as well let it go. As time goes by, ups and downs, everything I analyze is tinged with my emotional state. I can’t summarize or synthesize my feelings and progress in a clear and reassuring way. The need to understand is so strong, but this is an adventure where I’m asked not to understand anything, or so rarely, and to accept it. So I can give in to this need from time to time and tell myself stories, but not be completely fooled. A process is underway, that’s all. It has its own intelligence and the rational thoughts I put on top of it don’t bring much. Fear is not my fear, but it teaches me… Fear is not my fear, but it teaches me. Analyses that look for the objective causes of fear in the past are not of much help. They take pleasure in seeing causes with horizontal effects and end up attaching labels to you. You will then appropriate a phobia and say, I am “something…” “phobic”. However, we all have absolutely the same fears hidden within us. The social persona we have mistaken for our identity is terrified of death. The anguish of death is therefore universal and not a kind of defect shared only by the weakest among us. Let us move away from labels, from the primary and degrading image of madness, from the childish interpretation of the mechanisms of living things. However, fears are not useless. They contribute to this kneading of the incarnate soul and make it possible, by digging into our being, to reveal values that require to be incarnated. Let the fears come and let them go once their work is done. Let’s not be afraid of them. What medication? What medication? Substances are proposed to reduce suffering. Some people may find comfort in it, but it’s important to know that psychotropic drugs do not cure. They just oppose certain manifestations of the nervous system and the side effects, as well as the withdrawal symptoms when they have to be stopped, are formidable. In addition, confusion about withdrawal symptoms, which can sometimes take longer than expected, means that doctors will tend to advise people to take back medication without further thought. Going down the path of medication is a difficult choice, when you feel so vulnerable and looking for relief. If our society taught us to manage great pain, rather than systematically trying to block it, which is never even quite effective, and if we were informed that this pain won’t kill us but that it’s an aspect of a healing process, our struggle would be so different. So many people are left helpless with their daily pill, without any inspiring perspective, with the impression of the permanent threat in their hearts and the coldness of an overwhelmed medical system. Above all, we must find reassurance and love, which are the first drugs to be considered. I am reassured, because my soul remains my refuge, even when I feel cut off again, and I know that this process heals me deeply from the illusion of separation, from the social persona who has taken my place. And I know that the challenge is to love above all else. The loving environment, in which I participate, and the reassurance are worth all the antidepressants in the world, with no side effects. It’s not just an easy formula, it’s an experience to be done.

6 thoughts on “Dépression, anxiété : pas à pas sur le chemin de braises”

  1. Merci Thierry pour ce partage aimant ! C'est vrai que cette douceur peu habituelle est comme un baume .
    Tout au long de mon existence , le connu était la dureté .
    MERÇI c'est Magnifique et ces mots arrivent au bon moment .

  2. Exactement ce par quoi je passe.

    Je suis en train d'accoucher de moi-même.
    Merci Thierry, vous êtes un sage. Tout ce que vous dites est juste.
    Je ne suis pas seul!

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