Drunk History – James Cook Returns to Hawaii

Drunk History – James Cook Returns to Hawaii


AND GOES, LIKE,
HEY, EVERYBODY. I’M BACK. AND THEY’RE LIKE,
OH, YOU’RE–WHY ARE YOU BACK? COOK IS JUST LIKE,
NOW AS YOUR GOD, I DEMAND YOU TO FIX MY BOAT. MY BOAT GOT BROKE. NOW YOU GOT TO FIX MY BOAT.
FIX MY BROKE BOAT. AND SO EVERYBODY IN HAWAII
IS JUST LIKE, NO, BRAH. NOT EVEN. – LET’S DO A SHOT. – [laughs] LAUGH WITH ME. YOU’RE TRYING TO MAKE
A FOOL OF ME. BECAUSE I’VE SEEN THE SHOW. I KNOW HOW IT WORKS. – PERFECT. – SO COOK IS SAYING,
THAT’S REALLY WEIRD THAT THEY’RE NOT TREATING
THEIR GODS WITH RESPECT. AND THEN SO THE HAWAIIAN PEOPLE,
JUST KIND OF UPSET, STEAL SOME STUFF. CAPTAIN COOK
AND HIS MEN NOTICE IT. THEY’RE LIKE, HEY,
I THINK THIS STUFF WAS STOLEN. I THINK THEY STOLE IT. WE SHOULD PROBABLY,
UH, RETALIATE. AND CAPTAIN COOK GOES,
OH, NO, NO, NO. UNTIL YOU RETURN OUR STUFF AND FIX OUR BOAT, WE’RE GONNA TAKE YOUR CHIEF. AND THEY KIDNAPPED
KING KALANI’OPU’U. AND THIS IS WHERE THINGS
TAKE A TURN FOR THE WORST. HE WAS SAYING–HE’S LIKE,
ALL RIGHT. I’M GONNA TAKE THIS GUY
BACK TO THE BOAT. SHOW THEM HOW GNARLY
WE CAN GET. AT THAT POINT, ONE OF CAPTAIN
JAMES COOK’S MEN SHOOTS A KID, KALANI’OPU’U’S NEPHEW, AND EVERYONE LOSES IT. EVERYONE’S JUST LIKE,
WHAT THE [bleep]? WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?
WHAT ARE YOU, WHITE? AND THEY START PICKING UP ROCKS
AND SPEARS AND PUMMELING CAPTAIN COOK
AND HIS MEN. IT’S–IT’S LIKE A MOSH PIT. COOK IS SAYING,
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? IT’S AT THIS MOMENT THAT I REALIZE THAT THEY
DON’T THINK WE’RE GODS. CLANK, CAPTAIN COOK GETS KILLED
IN THIS SITUATION. COUPLE OTHER JAMES COOK’S
SHIPMATES– – WHOOPSIE. – SHUT THE [bleep] UP. I DIDN’T REALIZE
HOW COMBATIVE THIS WOULD GET. – DEAL WITH IT. – AND THEN KALANI’OPU’U GOES,
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WAIT. EVERYONE CHILL OUT. EVERYONE’S LIKE,
ALL RIGHT, COOL. HE’S LIKE,
I LIKE THIS GUY. HE MESSED UP.
WE ALL DO. LET’S GIVE HIM
A PROPER HAWAIIAN BURIAL. WE’RE GONNA BURN HIS BODY, TAKE SOME OF THE BONES AND KEEP THEM FOR OURSELVES
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
THIS GUY SEEMS TO BE– HE HAS A LOT
OF STUFF GOING ON. BUT WE’RE GONNA GIVE THE REST
OF THE BODY BACK. AND SO THEY BURNED THE BODY,
AND HE SAYS, HERE. HERE’S THIS SACK OF– HERE’S THE SACK OF JAMES COOK. NO HARD FEELINGS. YOU UNDERSTOOD
HOW IT ALL WENT DOWN. HAVE FUN BACK IN ENGLAND. AFTER THAT,
HAWAII BECAME A PORT.

100 thoughts on “Drunk History – James Cook Returns to Hawaii”

  1. Here's a sack of James Cook. No hard feelings. You understood how it all went down. Have fun back in England.

    Fuck I love this show.

  2. Normally I love this show, but I'm really disappointed in this one. That's not how it happened at all. Basically he discovered Hawaii, then refused to leave cuz he liked it so much. He just overstayed his welcome. So he kept mooching off Hawaiian people's food and speading vd to their women, so they got annoyed. Then he got more and more irked with the locals stealing metal from his ships. And his sailors didnt help, cuz they would rip up nails from the ship and trade the nails for sex with locals. So eventually they both got on each others nerves so they had a one day fight. Also he picked a fight with them on the first day of the warring season so it was bad timing.

  3. Those people aren't even Hawaiians, there asians. Its sad because these days Hawaii is just FILLED with asians and white people. Its gotten so bad with the asians that people are starting to mistake asians for Hawaiians. Asians came here for sugar plantations back then for better money, now they just took over. Hawaiians are Polynesian not asian. Polynesians look very different.

  4. haha funny. the reason shooting broke out AND the reason captain cook retruned in the first place was because the native hawaiians were enamored with all things metal (the didn't have the technology to make it) and after cook had traded all the metal things on the ship, the natives began to pull nails out of the hull of the boat. one of the men shot a child who was stealing nails and havoc broke out.

  5. this is really fucked up. this never happened and this why hawaiians are against white people . you white people don’t know our history.

  6. “Laugh with me!” I was looking for this quote for months, using it when nobody had any idea what it was from. So great

  7. No. Brah. Not even. Eh?

    Hahaaaah I say that all the time! I was actually surprised that a haole man said it pretty well

  8. all the little lefty 'safe spacers' are jerking off a soda in these comments. REAL TRUTH y'all lucky Captain Cooke was a true gentleman other wise he would have roasted you all along with the pig on day 1

  9. This is not exactly what transpired between Cook and the Hawaiian people.

    Cook personally tried to kidnap the king (under false pretenses) and hold him hostage until they retrieved there stolen stuff. As he was attempting to escort the king (hand in hand) back to the ship, he was bludgeoned to death by a high priest and some of his cronies.

  10. Is that Jonah ray lol well good lesson for mst3k if the s.o.l breaks down in a planet of Samoan’s which sounds awesome lol I always wanted to go to Hawaii

  11. I thought they set a sack of James Cook in a bag on the doorstep, lit it on fire, rang the door bell and ran away.

  12. LMAO, these Americans sure love shaming themselves (white people) Does it make themselves feel superior, like, they feel they have the moral high ground by portraying white people as bad people XD You wont get this kind of virtue signalling from us Asians.

  13. I wish Hawaii had been preserved as its own country. They didn't deserve what happened to them and it would've been interesting to see how things would've been. Although it would've changed U.S. history, like Pearl Harbor and Obama.

  14. a nice lighthearted spin on one of the most tragic parts of our history, and yet it was still done pretty respectfully (aka pretty much the only ppl offended are straight white dads who are mad they don’t have a reason to be mad)

  15. This isn’t accurate at all, the fact people believe this was taught in school or historically accurate proves that that these guys are morons. Cook never once made the Hawaiins believe he was a god it was their believing he was since they never saw a white man before, cooks ship was grounded and he asked the chief if he could use the island for ship repairs, the chief denied him and the natives for a couple of days kept on battering his men with stones and wouldn’t let them repair their ship. They captured the chief and as they were going back on the ship the natives attacked first and their was death on both sides and James cook was killed during it. The British then got back on their ship and proceeded to rattle the island with cannons. Until they ran back into the jungles. I just don’t like how modern history writes over things to make the white man the bad guy. This whole situation was what changed the believes of the People of Hawaii and was more of a miscommunication. They finally were releasing that James Cook was indeed mortal because if he was a god he wouldn’t need to repair a ship.

  16. I remember doing a thing on this in elementary school, the textbook summed this entire situation up in one sentence: "and then he got stabbed on the beach"

  17. The Hawaiians refused because If James Cook was an actual God, more specifically "Lono" the god of agriculture, he wouldn't need help to fix his boat.

  18. Cook got eaten …served as dinner, in the Sandwich Islands…eh…funny…eaten on the Sandwich Islands….anyway he was my 5 great uncle & he was cannibalized.

  19. Hey Dad, what's the best thing about Hawaii?
    "The weather."
    Kay, what's the worst thing about Hawaii?
    "The weather."

  20. This one always makes me laugh ♡ #protectmaunakea #wearemaunakea #kapualoha #maunakea #aloha #ohana

  21. Mourelle de la Rúa: the Galician who came to Alaska (and whose stolen diary guided the famous Captain Cook)
    https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.tellerreport.com/amp/2019-09-06—mourelle-de-la-r%25C3%25BAa–the-galician-who-came-to-alaska-(and-whose-stolen-diary-guided-the-famous-captain-cook)-.rkXTcSJlLS.html

  22. He didn't satisfactorily tell the ending of the story, which was kind of a genocide. But he's wasted so I'll let it go. Just a little detail, the genocide part. A footnote really

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