How do you even go
about eating ass? You start making out? How does any sexual encounter
start? With alcohol. Eating ass … yeah or nay? Nay.
Yay. Can we all agree that you’re
licking the place where human shit comes from.
Already that’s- You’re already licking shit,
everywhere. Have you ever bought
a soda at a bodega? I don’t do that. Why do you think
they give you a straw? Because the lid is dirty. With what? Dirt. Do you know there’s an
acceptable standard amount of rat poop that
is allowed to be on soda cans? Or in all of your food?
Did you know that? Yeah, but I’m not going to eat
a rat’s asshole. Yeah but you’re going to get
some of that regardless. Do you have food allergies?
Do you have food allergies? No.
No. You don’t have food allergies.
Do you have food allergies? I don’t. Do you? I do. I can’t have dairy. I can’t have dairy because
I’m lactose intolerant. I also cannot have kale,
broccoli, cauliflower because I have IBS. So say I’m just casually just
munching on some asshole, right? Just sitting on my face just,
“Yum, yum, yum, yum”. I don’t know
what they had that day. What if suddenly their shit
is reincarnated into my mouth and I have all this dairy and greens that’s going to
inflate my own issues … and then I die. Wait, hold on.
I have a solution to that. Pick someone who has
the same allergies as you and then whatever’s in their
asshole is going to be great. Where is that dating app? That’s actually
a good dating app, but… That was a good idea. But also, whose body is not just
processing all of that food? Do you think you’re just getting
whole pieces of kale? I’m sorry have you
never eaten corn? Are you allergic to corn? No, but that’s whole pieces. Then what’s the problem? I’m just saying why is it
this generation that’s allergic to everything is suddenly they’re munching
down on some asshole? You’re the only one
of the four of us. Are they that hungry? I think it brings people closer. How? Intercourse is one thing
but I think- Of course it brings you closer,
they’re sitting on your face. … ass eating
is all about trust. So I really feel
like it brings people to another level of trust. It is all about trust
and if it’s not good for both of you, mutual trauma
is actually a big uniter … psychologically speaking. There’s studies to back that up.
That’s a true thing. What trust is required
for eating ass? I mean you have to know
their first and last name. You need to know
where they live. You probably need to know
what they ate that day. You got to know their diet,
obviously … based on what you said. You probably know
a family member of theirs. How many asses have you eaten? How many asses have you eaten? Zero. That’s a very personal question. That’s unfortunate that you’ve
never eaten one ass. Not on purpose. I understand my place
in the world is very small … I know not everyone
has dairy allergies, but what about the person
with a peanut allergy? That can die at any moment
if they have a peanut? So they’re just eating ass,
they’re really in there … giving an oral colonoscopy.
Just really up in there … and there’s a peanut up there.
A loose peanut. Haven’t you ever shit out
a full peanut? They get that peanut
in their mouth, they die. Are you going to eat ass
with an EpiPen on hand? I mean, you can. But why don’t you
just meet up with someone who has the same allergies
as you? And has the same diet?
It can happen. And then it’s actually … that’s the best way to make
a pair happen … through diet. What happens if you meet at
a bar or you’re in the moment? You’re both a little drunk,
you’re making out, you’re starting to eat ass.
You’re not like, “Oh wait. Are you also allergic
to peanuts?” It’s like, “No. I’m not.”
It’s like too late. The peanut is in the mouth. See, I feel like you’re really
leaving out a big chunk of this, which is the questions. You still have to
ask the questions. Yeah. You have to say,
“Hey, can I eat your ass? Would you like your ass eaten?
Could you eat my ass? By the way …
had a lot of peanuts today.” You seem like a gentleman, but most guys aren’t really
ass-king before they just
ram it up the butt. Poop is not a binary concept.
You understand? It’s not, “Poop? Yes.”
“Poop? No.” Right? Because it’s yes 100%
of the time. No, but it’s not a binary
concept because there could be- It is. … some tiny poop particles
on my hand, yeah,
but my body can beat this. But if you go straight
to the source, how do you know
you can handle that? How else do you think
you build an immunity? Medicine. That’s what the issue is, is that we’re not putting
more poop on things and just making it
more communal. You cannot be serious. That is not the issue!
You cannot be serious! Have a little bit of poop
and then it won’t be an issue. Exactly.
You’ll be immune to poop. So you always want to turn
to medicine … you always want to turn
to modern science. All that does is
you get super-poop. That’s how that happens. So what you’re afraid of … you’re also responsible
for perpetuating. So you’re just eating
bowls of shit? No … no, no, no.
No! I think it’s like
a little sprinkle. It’s like a Reese’s cup. Yeah. At most. How many of your partners
do you think … before they did that to you
or have that done to them … cleaned, shaved, fasted? Just the basic prep work
to keep general good hygiene? How many of them
do you think- Well, one of them
was in a jacuzzi. One was inside of a jacuzzi? So actually, it was kind of
like … it was prepping. It was prepping
for the ass play. So that’s one person out of how
many people you’ve eaten? I’m going to say roughly,
three people … I’ve done it with.
Yeah. So 66% of the time,
you don’t know? This person
did no prep work for you? You know what,
that’s a good point. But to that, I’ll say:
we live in 2019. It’s the future. We have
very advanced toothbrushes. Quip, that’s a good service
that you can get. I’m sorry, you’re shoving a $40
toothbrush up your asshole? Okay, you’re hearing
what you want to hear. A Quip is $40. Have you heard of baby wipes? I mean, everybody that
I know uses baby wipes. Baby wipes. Are you just wrapping a baby
wipe up your asshole and then just like
scooping it out? Sure. Nobody every rimmed their
asshole with a baby wipe before? That’s what I always do. Frequently. How do you even go about
eating ass? You start making out? Yeah, how do you do it? Well, how does any
sexual encounter start? Yeah. With alcohol? Do you think it’s a coincidence that people are suddenly eating
ass and Measles is back? It’s not. So you’re saying there’s
a strong correlation between Measles and ass? I’m just saying,
the growth rate is similar. So the Measles is in the ass?
Is that what you’re saying? I don’t know what in the ass.
That’s our whole argument. So you think the New York
Hasidic community is eating the most ass
in all of this city? Because they’re the ones
with Measles. Is that your final answer?
I just want to know. I’m going to be vulnerable
for a second. I have a thing called
inverse psoriasis … which is I get psoriasis
in the cracks of my body. My butt crack is actually … it’s like flaky, like dandruff
on the head, but in my asshole crack. So if someone were to just go
chomping down on my ass they would get skin flakes
like sprinkles right down their throat
and it’s not pleasant. And that’s why communication
is the key. It’s important. Because of those ass flakes- I can’t eat ass.
I can’t get my ass eaten! Wait, hold on! Hold on.
Wait, I know that you’re … I feel your pain
about the ass flakes. But I feel like if you just
talk about it more, especially with
your partner … “Hey, I’ve got
inverse psoriasis.” Then that talking leads to,
“Oh, well what can I do? Can I massage the flakes?” And then it leads to proper,
protected ass play. And a deeper bond. Get a Ped Egg. You want me to pumice
stone my asshole? I mean, you know … if it makes
the experience better? Then yeah.
I think consider it. If it’s something
that you would like to pursue, I think there are ways
to get over these hurdles. You shouldn’t let a little
flakes stop you from enjoying full pleasure. It’s not me who’s stopping,
all right? It sounds like you really want
your ass licked. You’re not listening to me!
I have a flaky, flaky asshole. My underwear right now
is full my asshole skin … so I can’t just be like,
“Oh, eat my asshole.” Because I’m asking them
to intake my skin problem. No one wants to eat skin! Hanna, this is all
about awareness of the ass and ass eating.
And it can really be acceptable and help everyone,
in the long term. I think Sydney’s
right. I think we can all agree that there just needs to be
more education about ass play so that we can all be safe and have fun
and most importantly, inclusive. Find you somebody
who can eat that flaky ass. Okay. Well, I guess we will
just agree to disagree. I’m pro eating ass because it actually
protects you from cancer. 30% …
it protects you from cancer. Who told you that?
Who told you that? What person made you eat
their ass and told you that? I looked it up. Have you read any studies
that say otherwise?