‘Twas was a night before christmas When all through the house. not a creature was starring. except for Santa. Who was dying. *groans* I’m dying. The YouTube algorithm. *coughs* It’s killing Santa. All of the elves are dead. All of them.. reindeers are dead. Even Rudolph. Nothing can save me.. Christmas is surely doomed. Edgar: There is one cure known to mankind. Pewds: Ohh.. Edgar: Grandma’s old christmas cake has been known to cure many disease at christmas time. Pewds: In order to save christmas, you must first save Santa Claus. Don’t worry Santa, it’s all gonna be fine. Edgar’s on it. *dying Santa coughs hard* Here we go. Let’s get.. Let’s get it right here. One flour, here we go. Okay. Oh boy. Fuck, I can’t wrap it. Oh, I got it, I got it, here we go. Fuck. Alright, there we go. Perfect. First ingredient in grandma’s recipe is flour. Grandma used to be a flour. Moving on.. Now let’s be very careful with the eggs. Anything could happen at- Second ingredient is eggs. Cuz’ grandma loves- loves eggs. Gentle Gentle Gentle Got it. Santa’s gonna feel great. Santa’s gonna feel so good. And now, oh shit. Oopsy. Now- Get a hint of salt. You ready? One… Two… Nailed it! Got ’em Grandma’s secret stash: Herbs. It makes you feel nice and warm. Grandma knew how to have- find the dank shit Grandma was a little of a drinker. And by little bit, I mean Holy shit. Da- damn I’m not wasted. Shit. No. Alright, here we go. There ya go, perfect. Just as it was intended. Now this Mix it up a little bit. Let’s give it a good sniff. Oh yeah. Next ingredient! Every christmas was a sad memory because grandma was alcoholic. but we have to honor her recipe Ohhh… Wow… Pour it a little bit, there you go, more. Next ingredient! Grandma was also addicted to class A drugs. She loved heroine, cocaine, and any pills you can find, really. Santa, have a lil’ taste. You- you gotta pour it a little bit for me, buddy. So good… Once this is in the oven, I’m sure I will be a 100% but until then, *groans* I’m dying. Hey, by the way Santa, what did you get me for christmas? That’s funny you should ask, Edgar. A loot anime. Wanna open it together? Edgar: Yes! A sponsored lootcrate. That will do just great. Okay, the first item.. is.. Ichigo Kurosaki! Pants! Oh my god, you love pants! So much that he goes away *laughs* Oh my god, its Ichigo my favorite Naruto character. There ya go Edgar! Woah, what is this? Oh my god, I love these! These are ancient scrolls. A- a scroll! A magical scroll! You’ve earned it! *giggles* Oooh, what is this? It’s a manga! Sword Art Online that’s cool! I wanna read this one. Lootcrate exclusive! So it’s like an OVA? Edgar: You fuckin’ nerd. *pewds laughs* Ooooh! Fuck yeah! Okay this is Berserk, one of my favorite anime. It’s a blade letter opener. WOAHH! That’s cool! It’s his sword! This sword is like the most badass sword in any like, fiction- fiction I’ve ever read about. It’s so cool. Woah Is this an anime poster? Oh yeah I’ll definitely put this on my wall. The final ingredient that we’ve been looking for! You found it! *cough* Oh, I’m still dying but there’s a way to save another way to save Santa. S-sign up between November 28 and December 27 to get December’s theme galaxy It’s got stuff from Cowboy Bebop and Sailor Moon. Go to lootcrate.com/pewds Enter the code: pewds and save 10% Now, Hurry. I must be fast and more safe I did it. It’s ready to go in the oven. Here we go. Jesus Christ. It must be cooked for 7 minutes and 77 seconds. Hold on Santa! I will save you! It’s done! The masterpiece that will save Christmas. Fuck Luckily, there’s one left. Let’s see what Santa says about it. Oh what? Oh, help me Oh Edgar, you came for me Oh thank you Edgar. Christmas is safe! You saved my life. You saved me. I didn’t save you I saved Christmas. No Edgar, I believe you owe me a face massage *pewds moans* oh Edgar… gentle.. gentle, gentle please.. ohh yeahh.. ohhh….. No… *Sad moment*

100 thoughts on “EDGAR COOKS FOR SANTA!”

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  2. 6:33 it takes 7minutes and 77 seconds

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