What’s up?! It’s Hilah Cooking. Today we are
talking about balls, meatballs that is, and I am not talking about those tiny, grey rat
balls that you find in a can of whatever bullshit, spaghetti in a can. I am talking about big
ass juicy, homemade, succulent meatballs. [MUSIC]
All right. I just went ahead and put my meat in the bowl because I don’t think it would
be very sexy for me to take the meat out of the package on camera, but maybe you think
it would be, so if you do, just tell me and I will do that next time on camera. I will
take the meat out of the package. All right, first thing, I am gonna cut up this onion,
and I am gonna cut up real tiny and probably just half this onion will be good. All right.
Cut it this way and don’t cut all the way down to the root end because that’s gonna
help you keep all the little pieces together, and then do, do, doo. Like so, and then like
so. You want to keep the onion pieces super small,
so that they don’t break up your meatballs. All right, and then for good measure I am
just gonna run it through again. All right, that looks good. Throw that in with the meat,
and a clove of garlic. This is the fun part. Just kidding, I think it’s all fun. I love
cooking. Just smash it, get the paper off of that, and then just chop, chop, chop, chop.
It’s all like yan-can cooking here with my knife skills huh, what’s up? All right, now
for the parsley. Pick the leaves off roughly. We don’t need to sit here and nitpick at this
shit. Let’s just make these meatballs and get on with it.
All right, so you want to roll it up into a tight, little bundle, and that is going
to, hey stems, what are you doing in there infiltrators? And that is going to let you
chop it up with precision, or not so much precision, but he’ll let you chop it up fast.
All right, so that’s pretty tiny. Throw that in, and we are almost ready for the best part.
Okay, I got one egg, and approximately half a cup of breadcrumbs. I had these in my freezer,
so I am gonna use that, but you could use oatmeal or cracker crumbs or whatever the
hell you have that is dryish and carbish, and now I am gonna get my little chubby paws
in there and mix it up. Don’t be shy, just get in there. Just massage
it with your fingertips like you are massaging your lovers feet, just kidding. That was really
gross, I am sorry. [laughs] It’s nothing like that, but it is pretty messy. All right, you
can see it doesn’t really take long to get everything sort of incorporated. Oh, shit!
I forgot to put in pepper and salt. Dog it! Okay, hold on. I’ll be right back. Okay, I
already did that before. I didn’t tell you about that part. That’s going to make me half
a teaspoon. I don’t know how much that was. It will probably be fine, okay. Okay, salt
and pepper in the house! I wish they were in my house. Guys wouldn’t that be awesome!
Salt and pepper if you are watching this, could you please come to my house and have
a concert? I will pay you with meatballs. Get a little wad. It should be about the size
of a walnut or a testicle if you are doctor. There we go. Set it on a plate, and we’ll
just keep doing that until we have our little meatballs, and then we’ll fry them up in some
olive oil, and then we’ll put some sauce on them, and then we’ll eat balls for dinner.
[laughs] Meatball. All right, I got my pan, it’s been heating up over high for a couple
of minutes, and I am gonna put just a little bit of oil in, maybe a couple of teaspoons
or so, and swirl it around to get it coated, and then I will put my meatballs in, very
gently, and I kind of feel like a butthole because I didn’t put tongs on my first episode
of cooking essentials, and I really kind of use them all the time, so you might want to
get a pair of tongs too. They are pretty helpful for a lot of stuff. There you go, remedied.
Okay, everybody make room! Don’t be hoggin’ up the space. All right, I am gonna brown
them for a couple of minutes, probably about three minutes, and then flip them, and normally
they sort of end up a little triangular because I flip them three times, but then it’s whatever,
who cares what they are shaped like. I am just telling you that I am gonna flip them
three times I guess until they’re very brown and crispy. So let’s just let them sit and
resist the temptation to tong them or fork them or yeah, tong. That’s what these things
are called, tongs. [laughs] I am gonna check them. That’s what they look like now, but
I am gonna let it go for just a couple of more minutes. All right, I am gonna flip them.
That’s what they look like. All right, last flip, and then they’ll be browned, and then
I’ll throw in some tomatoes, and we’ll make a little sauce, and they’ll finish cooking
in the sauce. My little ball buddies are good and brown.
I have a can of whole, peeled tomatoes that I am just gonna try not to squirt it on my
white shirt. Oh, and I turned the heat down a little bit. Oww, it’s like a meatball sauna
in here. Okay, voila! And I am gonna add some more garlic which I haven’t cut up yet because
I am not really on top of things Rose, sorry. So 20 minutes, they’ll be done. If you want
to let it simmer longer, that’s cool, but you just, I mean let it simmer until you’re
ready to eat it. I think while mine is cooking, I am gonna put on a pot of spaghetti, so we
can have a real Italian meal. Sorry if that was offensive to any actual Italians out there.
I didn’t mean it. All right, throw that in, and I am gonna add a little salt because I
use unsalted tomatoes so that I can adjust to my own preferences, and what the hell.
I am gonna throw in some dried oregano if that noise, stupid shaker top. I don’t know
what the point is. I don’t ever need a shake of oregano. Toss them around in the sauce
that is being created by magic. I should say, as if, by magic. It’s actually not magic.
It’s an ancient trick called “fire.” Okay, there we go. Pop a lid on the sucker
and I am gonna cook some pasta and I will see you back here in a few minutes. Bye! Wow!
This is totally looking more like spaghetti sauce now. Awesome! All right, serving up
some balls. Look at that crazy shit. I am gonna take a bite of a ball. I am gonna put
a whole ball in my mouth. Okay, this one is for you Greg Vallet of Doomsday Wrestling,
Houston, Texas. Hope it doesn’t burn my mouth. These are hot balls. [laughs] It’s really
hot. [laughs] Okay, hold on. Sorry Greg I had to cut your ball in half. I apologize.
Hmmm, hmmm, hmm. That is a badass ball. All right, if you want more detailed, written-down
directions, check out my website HilahCooking.com, and if you make this, then send me your story,
comment on the website. Send me a picture. Send me a picture of you with your food in