[Ethan] Today, guys, I am reacting to perhaps the
most requested video of all time. And it’s taken us so long to finally, you know,
build up the nerve to react to this because it’s truly one of the saddest,
most depressing things I have ever seen. [Steven] Hello, Wildcats. This is Weber Cooks and
today we’re doing, uh, chili cheese nachos.
[sad piano music plays in background] [sad piano music continues] [Ethan] Now, a lot of people are gonna think
that this might be a joke, that it might be a sketch, some kind of Tim and Eric
absurdist sketch comedy, but I assure you the footage we watch today is real. The man’s name? [Steven] I’m Steven Reed– I’m Steven Reed– I’m Steven Reed– …and I’m Steven Reed… [Ethan] He had a cooking show on a
cable access television for college. The show was about how to cook a meal
for one person using only the microwave. I mean, the premise is already the most
hilariously sad thing I’ve ever heard! [Steven] Mix it up and we’ll have… a dip for… three to… six p-people.
[sad piano music plays in background] [sad piano music continues] [Ethan] Guys, get your tissues out. Get your recipe books out, because we are in for a wild ride. Cooking for one using only a microwave featuring ya boy: Steven Weber. Hello, Wildcats. This is Weber Cooks, and today
[singing in background: Steeeeeeeeven!] we’re cooking spaghetti. We’ll start by
taking some spaghetti noodles–
[Singing: Steeeven! Why won’t you call me?] [Ethan] Damn, dawg. Did they really have to start out with like a sad song that screams his name in, like, torment and longing? [Steven] Hello, Wildcats. This is Weber Cooks–
[Background singing: Steeeeeeeven!] [Ethan] I’m already about to cry and I didn’t even start the video, man! What’s with the music? [Steven] We’ll start by taking some spaghetti noodles
[Singing: Why won’t you call me?] and we’ll put it in the bowl.
[Singing: Steven, why won’t you call me?] [Steven] We just… break ’em in half, put ’em in, [Ethan] Just break it in half, just like all my hopes
and dreams. Just crush the spaghetti noodles right in half. You know, once
you break it, it will never be whole again. It just takes one snap, just like that,
guys, to crush your heart. [Steven] …10 minutes.
[Sad piano music plays in background] [Steven] …and then, this will cook for ten minutes. and our noodles are done cooking, we take ’em out… [Ethan] He just microwaved the bowl of water for
10 minutes and then grabbed it out like he didn’t even feel pain, dude! If you ever want proof that somebody’s dead inside, microwave a bowl of water for 10 minutes and watch them grab it out without even flinching, dude. [Steven] We’re just going to strain… our… noodles… [Singing plays in background while water rushes out of the bowl through the strainer] [Ethan] Then he just fuckin’ pours the boiling water on the floor, man! Steven has stopped giving a fuck, dude! He could walk around with third-degree burns on his hands and not even notice! This guy may be the saddest man in the world, but he’s also kind of the most badass. He literally just grabbed a bowl of water that was boiling for ten minutes, without even flinching, and then poured
on the floor — that’s fucking metal dude! I respect you dawg. You may be dead inside but you’re fuckin’ badass. [Steven] We’ll put it on our plate… we’ll add our… sauce… …to the noodles… [Ethan] This may be the saddest single fuckin’ thing I have ever seen in my life. You’re a grown-ass man pouring a 50-cent
can of marinara over a bowl of microwave noodles. *exhale* That is rock bottom guys, this is
the physical embodiment of true sadness. Not only that, he’s being like– whose idea was this to put his ass on television to, like, document this for the world to see? [Steven] and, our spaghetti… dinner is ready for you to eat, and it only took about… 14 or 15 minutes in total. [Ethan] 14 or 15 minutes for that! Steven! That’s too much time to invest, dude! That’s not even prison food — that’s like, prisoner of war food. 15 minutes for that, Steven! [Steven] …and it cost about a dollar, and I’m Steven Reed, and that’s Weber Cooks.
[sad piano music plays in background] [Hila] WOAH, NO! [Steven] …our spaghetti dinner is ready for you to eat… [Ethan] Now this one is without a doubt the most sad and depressing one he ever shot, and this one is about takin’ nachos and a can of chili and dumping it into a bowl and calling it dinner. [Steven] Hello Wildcats, this is Weber Cooks. and today we’re doing, uh, chili cheese nachos. [Ethan] This is just gonna be him combining the cheese and the chili in a bowl! you didn’t need to put this on television, people know how to combine cheese and chili in a bowl! [Steven] Put ’em in a bowl and mix it up, and we’ll have… a dip for… …3 to 6 p-people [Ethan] It’s too real! You can’t put this stuff on television! Makes me so sad dude, I don’t even know 3 to 6 people to share a bowl of dip with! [Steven] A dip for… …3 to 6 p-people
[sad piano music resumes] [sad piano music]
[microwave humming] On the real though, I love that they just
left in like a 10 to 15 second shot of the nacho dip just spinning silently,
sadly, lonely, in the microwave. [Steven] We mix ’em both together, and… [Ethan] Oh, come on Steven, you can stir it more than three times; your life’s worth more than three stirs dude! This is too much for me dude! [Ethan, far away] Can’t handle this shit, man! [sad piano music] *sniff* [Ethan Klein Cough™] [sad piano music continues] [incoherent yelling] [Ethan Klein Cough™] [Ethan] Sadness means feeling no pain! [roaring] [Ethan, seductively whispering] Yeah, get it on there [deep breathing into the microphone] [sad piano music continues] [sad piano music] [Steven] Hello Wildcats. This is Weber Cooks. And today, we’re doing, uh, chili cheese— [spaghetti cracking noise]
–nachos. [Steven] We start with a can of… chili, and open it up,
[sad piano music continues] [Steven] and then the cheese sauce: we just take off the lid, and we pop these both in the microwave, [sad piano music continues] [Steven] 3 to 6 p-people– [Steven] …for four and a half minutes, ..and, when that’s done, we’ll put em in… a bowl, [two Steven audios played on top of each other] [sad piano music ends] [Steven] …and today we’re making uh, rice dish, this one here you just dump the rice, into the thing, put it in… the dish, we’ll put it in the microwave, for… one minute, [Ethan, high-pitched] Dawg you left the knife in the bowl! [normal pitch] You cooked the rice with the plastic knife in the bowl, Steveeeen! What, do you leave the utensil in the bowl to save you a process? It’s just right there yet you cook with the plastic utensils in? [exasperated whine] [exasperated whine] [Steven] …out of the microwave, and we’ll [Ethan] I can’t! It’s– This one’s dedicated to you, Steve! I found an even more efficient way to cook rice. It’s in a pouch, it’s ready to cook, it only takes 90 seconds! [slams microwave door] [microwave humming] [Ethan, choking back tears] That’s for you, Steven! That’s a meal for one! I hope anyone who unironically eats this for dinner at night has better days ahead. I wish better things for anyone who’s ever bought this product. This is true sadness in a bag — you look on the ingredients on this, here you go, see, look, check it out: water, grain, rice, oil, — oh, there it is, the third ingredient — sadness. sadness, there it is–depression. ‘suicidal thoughts’ is actually the third ingredient on this bag, don’t read it just take my word for it. [Steven] Hello Wildcats, this is Weber Cooks, and today we’re making, uh, rice dish, that is really easy to make, and, there’s different flavors that you can get, this one here, you just dump the rice into the thing, pull the packet out, [Ethan] You could do better than this, Weber!! A man’s life is worth more than a knife and a sick box of Rice-A-Roni, man! [Steven] And then take two teaspoons of… butter, and… put it in– ♪ Outro