How to Cook Perfect Rice | Jo Koy | Netflix Is A Joke

How to Cook Perfect Rice | Jo Koy | Netflix Is A Joke


– That’s all we ate, was rice. That’s the key to an Asian household. Rice. That shit is always cooking. There’s always a pot of rice cooking. The rice cooker’s always on. You could get locked in
an Asian person’s house and all the lights are off, you can find the kitchen. (audience laughing) Just look for that
little square red light. (audience laughing) There’s the fucking rice right there. (audience laughing) I sent my son to go
get rice the other day. I go, Jo, go grab a bag of rice. He ran down a couple aisles and then he came back with
this little ass bag of rice. It was in his hand like that. And even though I knew
that was the bag of rice he was supposed to get, I started reflecting back
to when I was his age. The bag of rice I had to get was the size of this fucking stool. (audience laughing) That shit was twice my body weight, I had to drag that shit back to my mom. (audience laughing) It’s a big nylon bag with
Chinese writing on the front. It said 50 pounds at the bottom of it. My mom would sit that in
the back of the kitchen next to the trashcan,
top just ripped open. Inside that bag was a coffee
mug with a broken handle. (audience laughing) She called that a measuring cup. (audience laughing) She taught me how to make rice. I remember that day. “I’m going to teach you how to make rice “and this the only time
I’m going to teach you.” Okay. How do I do it? “You take a couple scoops of rice, Joseph. “Put it in the pot. “Put water in the pot, squish it around. “Clean the rice, like that. “If the water’s cloudy, the rice is dirty, “pour that water out. “Put more water in
there, squish it around. “Squish it around. “If the water is still cloudy, “the rice is dirty. “Pour that water out. “Continue the process, Joseph, “until the water is clear. “When the water is clear, add water, “it’s ready to cook.” Well then how much water do I add? “Just fill it to this
line right here, Joseph.” (audience cheering) This is how you cook perfect rice. I want the world to know that right now. This is an ancient fucking secret. Every Asian knows how to make rice, and this is how you do it. You don’t need a measuring cup and you don’t need a fucking rice cooker. All you need is rice, a pot, and this fucking line right here. (audience laughing) (audience cheering) And I know there’s people
watching right now, “Well how do you do that,
that doesn’t make any sense.” Well let me explain it to you. Put as much rice as you want in any pot, then fill it up with water. How much water, Jo? Well, you touch the top of the rice with this finger right here, and fill it up with water ’til it hits that fucking line right there. Perfect rice.

100 thoughts on “How to Cook Perfect Rice | Jo Koy | Netflix Is A Joke”

  1. To all Filipinos, we must sue Jokoy for a Hundred Billion pesos damage for leaking the ancient technique in measuring a water in having a perfectly cooked rice.

  2. When I was high school I never fogget that I was cook a rice without water.Because that time I weak. Up early morning I feel lazy and my mom ask me "Son" can you please cook a rice quickly an the result of rice was fires.

  3. This measurement with finger is all over south east asia not just filipina. But his explaination is nonsense, either he does not know or just making a joke. The trick is measure the debt of the rice at the bottom with finger and measure exact line of water on top of the rice. same depth of water with rice.

  4. My mom is FilAm born in Stockton Ca. My Pop a immigrant from Ennis County Claire Ireland.
    In our home growing up, we had sacks of potatoes and sacks of rice.
    My mom had have rice and pop could eat potatoes, boiled, baked or fried. As kids if we didn't have cooked rice and a boiled potatoes for when Mom and Pop got home from work ready for dinner, As Russel Peter's parent's said, "Someone is going to get huuuurrrrt." Hahahaha

  5. That's exactly how my grandmother measured how much water to use and she wasn't asian. My grandfather came back from WW2 and taught her that

  6. Its science. The volume is the container and the mass is the rice. Coupled with the median length of that human finger line specially for Asians.

  7. Apparantly Greek, too….Rice Pilafe is a staple in our house…yes, largest bag, with a broken plastic cup inside.πŸ˜€

  8. I can't cook rice. Never. That's why I stick to potatoes… Sweet potato and regular potato… You can't fu*k it up.

  9. And about the water to rice ratio, it's purely experience but I'd say 3:2 for most cases. It usually depends with the type and age of the rice. You will mess up the first time cooking a new type of rice but you won't make the same mistake again.

  10. That's so true…i measure my rice with that f ** line…hahhaa…but it works perfectly….never failed to give me cooked rice..

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  12. I was taught to cook rice at an early age… 5 I think
    But we would get dirty Lickens if we fcked up the rice
    Rice is money and wasting rice was unacceptable

  13. So true about the measuring. I stopped using a rice cooker years ago. Tastes so much better on the stove. The bags of rice have gotten smaller. But I get 10 pound now. Or something like that.

  14. Omg that's how my mom taught me lmfao I'm African American. I truly thought she was crazy but I swear I still do it and that's the only way I know how to cook rice. I just taught my son and he gave me the same look with more questions. Shut up boy it's not science it's rice now do what I say so the rice comes out good. Kids always questioning you just take my damn word for gold lmao

  15. I'm Filipino. Cooking rice has been such a huge part of my life that I don't even need to use the line on my finger πŸ˜‚

  16. β€œMug with a broken handle” is this some general Asian tradition? I swear every one from every east asian country does this lmao

  17. Good for u guys u used a broken mug. Ours is a tin can from an ancient canned milk -_- its more than 40 yrs tbh.anyone Who wants to buy that vintage can πŸ˜‚πŸ‘‹?

  18. This is NO LIE exactly how I learned to cook rice! My Filipino mom showed me one time & that’s all it took. It’s also how I taught my husband to cook rice! β€œDon’t ask how it works…it just does!”

  19. Ah yes. The fingers. I still cook rice like that to this day. Basically, well, I use my thumb and index finger so, the index finger goes to the base of the rice cooker, and the thumb to the top of the flattened rice pile. Hold that finger position and move your hand up to when your index finger just touches the top of the rice pile. Where your thumb line is, that's the amount of water you need.

    Of course, the amount varies slightly depending on the proportion of Jasmine to Brasmati rice. 😁

  20. Are you sure that's just Filipino upbringing? Dude, from the 50lb bag sitting next to the trash can with a broken mug measuring cup… That's how I grew up! And I'm half African!… Even the finger line! Chai!!

  21. I cooked rice for my wife's family (Spain) their mind was blown when I washed the rice, measured with my finger and pressed the button on the rice cooker. As if was a wizard.

    My wife still asks me how much water to put, and every time i tell her, she looks at me and says "stop that, tell me for real". That's how i was taught, my family was taught, all my friends were taught. that is how it is done.

    I also sent my Polish friend at work to the store to buy a rice cooker, because all of the sudden his lunches looked like mine or half filipino – everything was paired with rice. He bought the rice cooker and both him and his wife were grateful to me for that suggestion.

  22. Im Indonesian, my cousin taught me how to make rice in college. Used this exact description except he added "If there are any rocks or pebbles, take out the rocks" because in Indonesia the rice has rocks. Then he told me the finger trick. I cant cook for shit, but can make perfect rice.

  23. or x cup of rice = x cup of water.
    if u put 1 cup of rice, use that same cup, add 1 cup of water. 2 cup of rice , 2 cup of water. and so on.

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