Modified Mac and Cheese – You Suck at Cooking (episode 53)

Modified Mac and Cheese – You Suck at Cooking (episode 53)


When you’re in college getting a balanced meal is tough. But with modified macaroni it’s easy. You only need two things: macaroni and cheese, and a bunch of other stuff. When you cook the noodles be sure to pour them over some limes to infuse them with vitamin C to help prevent scurvy. Now run to the store and buy an iPad so you can time the pasta to cook it to perfection. Or craft up a little sun dial. Then yeah, just wait for the shadow to get to 7 or 8 minutes. Or spin a top with just the right amount of torque. So that it will fall over right when your pasta is done. That’s pepper pepper pepperoni and cheese. From there, if you just add in a touch of hot sauce you get spicy/not spicy, just a little bit enticaroni and cheese. This pairs really nicely with warm morning after keg beer. Take some fresh basil, put some tomato sauce in the bottom and bathe your macaroni and cheese inside of that. sprinkle your fresh basil over top of that. That’s basiloni and tease. Basically a modern Italian masterpiece. This pairs really nicely with Vodka and Gatorade. Let’s take a little bit of macaroni add in a bit of pesto. It’s called Pestoloni, Yes Please. You can take some broccoli, chop that up. Steam that for a few minutes to get broccoloni and cheese. This pairs incredibly well with being a staunch vegetarian for three weeks until you drunkenly order a drive-thru chicken sandwich Another one you can do is take some Indian curry paste and chickpeas This is super authentic Indian macaroni and peas. This pairs wonderfully with regretting not taking a gap year. If you take some macaroni, put in a dash of whole grain mustard and ham this is basically ham and cheese sandwich with macaroni instead of bread. Also known as the ham sandamoni and cheesewich or hamaroni and chustard. This pairs nicely with bragging about how much you drank last night. For this one you take macaroni and some kind of tequila drink, it’s called the Spring Break. (Uptempo music with a strong beat) (Music transitions into a softer ballad) (Transitions back to the heavy beat) Okay, let’s go. Shallot, chop, chop, chop. Roasted red pepper, chop, chop, chop. Olive oil, you’re not special. Be careful not to move your spatula too fast because the extra friction might burn it. Do you think it’s a coincidence that the word sauté rhymes with all day? I do. Mix that in. Tha’s shallomoni and peppreese. We’re gonna be honest here. *audible eating sounds* (surprised) Honestly it’s so good. Let’s go find out what Katie thinks just to make sure. Katie? Scale of 1-10, just tell me. Katie: Mmm. I’ll take that as a ten, thank you. If you don’t feel like cleaning this up just give one bite of what you’re making to your roommate and then they’re obligated to clean it up for you. Then we’ll take some garlic, just drop it, and it will chop itself. Magic! Take up a sundried tomatoes and… Mag! Get, you know, at least three quarters of a sizzle, for shizzle, happening. Basically get 2.3 metric fucktons of spinach in there. What am I, David Copperfield? Remember how big that was? And we’re not going to be afraid to overwhelm that macaroni. Rules are for suckers! You know, I never thought I’d be the kind of person that would be happy about a food color combo. I always thought that was shallow, but… Look at that, that’s stomach art! I’m pretty sure this is really good when nothing is burnt. *eating sounds* I encourage you to try this. This one is obviously called the: This pairs nicely with your mom. Finally, heat up a pan with a little bit of oil, but maybe you don’t need ‘cuz we’re gonna cook steak! And it’s got oil in it, so, I don’t know. Check the time *laughs* Oh, ho ho! Obviously we’re doing something right. Tell me you don’t feel lucky when you see that even if you don’t believe in anything. Take your *laughs* macaroni-caked implement, and flip your bloody steak. Beautifully– Ow! Fuck. Beautifully cooked steak. And then, place one noodle on top. And that’s called the, Do You Even Liftaroni and Beef? This pairs nicely with a straight shot of protein powder, no liquid. And finally, for this last one you take some macaroni and put on some macaroni. That’s known as Macception. (Deep resonant music) Oh no, it was a dream the whole time. (Music, singing) Sitting in a box in the cupboard like a dry bag of rocks Just waiting one day to be hydrated a little bag of powder, when you shake it nothing’s sadder I can’t wait to slam my face inside that macaroni chowder! I try to eat healthy all the time, okay, I don’t really Try and think about a salad, quickly change my mind Grab the pot and adding water and I watch you getting softer Get the cheese into the steam and then it’s getting hot and creamy! I’m home! I’m instantly home, I could get on the train but I know a better way! I don’t need a ticket just some water from the spigot And then I cook those noodles hot inside a pot and then I’m instantly home! Macaroni, crackaroni, don’t believe in frackaroni Catch you in the back of a hatchback two-handed jackaroni Don’t be five and traparoni say and you prefer balogona Can’t talk macaroni you’ll get smackaroni’d, homie, I’m home *Small yips from the dog* (Sound of dry macaroni being poured)

100 thoughts on “Modified Mac and Cheese – You Suck at Cooking (episode 53)”

  1. Sacrilege. You profane holy macaroni and cheese. At least you didn't pair it with hamburger or hot dogs. Broccoli – you're flying a little too close to the fires of hell buddy. Repent!

  2. My best one that I make is mac and cheese + Chile verde + sour cream + A1 steak sauce (optional and dont use too much). I don't drink much anymore but man back in the day that was the best hangover dish ever.

  3. I loved Adam Raguseas simple Mac and cheese recipe but it’s still too much effort if your lazy so I’m probably just going to make this.

  4. Waiter: hello I’m your waiter for today, are you ready to ord-

    Me: I would like to have a “garlic spinach and sundried tomatoes mixed with macaroni and cheese until it all tastes delicious and then you eat it mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm it’s so good why didn’t I think of this a long time ago and will I ever be able to eat macaroni and cheese ever again without this awesome stuff inside it I doubt it except that it’s a lot of work so I’ll probably just think about it next time then won’t actually go to all the trouble unless I’m trying to impress someone but maybe i should start trying to impress myself for a change and see where that gets me in life I’m ordering Thai “

    Waiter *sweating nervously*: so just Thai?

  5. damn when i go to my soon to be school that has apartments whenever i dont like the food the school offers thats what ill make on fridays damn

  6. The 5:55 part tripped me out. I've been seeing repeating numbers on the clock like 5:55, 1:11, 2:22, 11:11, etc multiple times a day for MONTHS and now it even shows up in this viseo

  7. Real talk: When I want to introduce people to YSAC, this is the video I do it with. Its equal parts wacky and dry and always gets a good laugh out of people.

  8. heLLO? Why is no one talking about that spring break montage, I felt like I just went through a fever dream watching that

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