Pesto – You Suck at Cooking (episode 73)

Pesto – You Suck at Cooking (episode 73)


It’s been called the greatest sauce to ever walk the face of the Earth by me. It’s been called the Italian basil smoothie also by me. It’s been called alien blood sauce by Devin. Rude, Devin! [Devin] Oh, I was– I was just kidding–
[YSAC] Be quiet, Devin! (In Italian) You suck at cooking yeah you totally suck. The heart and soul of pesto is basil which has a long, storied history The ancient Egyptians used basil in embalming. In Greece, basil was a symbol of mourning. In Buck Creek, Indiana people rub it on their tires for good luck. This mysterious plant begs the question: “How could a leaf be so tasty?” You couldn’t possibly pack any more flavor into something so thin if you try. Unless you made a basil-bacon sandwich which is sort of cheating, but really delicious. (Crunch) Mmm, basil. This one basil leaf I bought from the farmers’ market has more flavor than this bag of assorted deciduous which I also bought from the farmers’ market. Get back outside! You wouldn’t think being really delicious would be a great survival strategy but Basil’s like: [Basil] “I’m gonna make myself so delicious you’ll cultivate the f*** out of me! (in an evil voice) and then I will be immortal FOREVER!” I realize both of those words sorta mean the same thing but y-you catch my drift. But could it just be people who think it’s that tasty? Are giraffes looking down on us, thinking: [Giraffe] “Those stupid humans eating that trash weed. Pass me some more eucalyptus, Rick” Until we stop being selfish and start teaching giraffes how to talk, we’ll never know. Another interesting ingredient in pesto is pine nuts. Pine nuts obviously come from Christmas trees. Extracting them is pretty straightforward. All you have to do is take of the shiny ornaments and smash it to get the pine nuts out. You can also get them from a pine cone if you want blander, more inferior pine nuts that are a waste of time and disrespectful to baby Jesus. But how is it that the pine needles contain so much flavor and powerful bitterness, when so many other types of needles simply taste bland and painful? Get back outside! Also, do pine trees know that cactuses exist? And if they met, would they be friends or enemies? So this recipe calls for: a half cup of olive oil, a packed half cup of Parmesan cheese, a 1/3 cup of pine nuts, a clove or two of garlic, and two cups of basil. But how do you measure a cup of basil? That’s a cup of basil. Also a cup of basil. That’s a British cup of basil. It’s much more accurate to go by weight, but not a lot of smartphones have scales on them yet. So, I made this homemade balance scale. You’ll know when it’s exactly two cups of basil when it balances with exactly seven to ten small to medium-large sized pieces of random gravel. And we’re going to add a squeeze of lemon. Now I’m not sure how many lemons were kicking around Genoa, Italy in 1576 when somebody decided to throw these ingredients together, but I can tell you from personal expericence that the squeeze of a lemon really ties the room together. I’m throwing in everything but the cheese right now because I’m not using a food processor where I can really control how blended it gets. I’m gonna stir the cheese in afterward to retain some texture. (Sound of food blending) Another way you could create some texture is to power stone cut your nuts. (Sound of food blending) Why does pesto contain the word pest when it is not in fact a destructive insect or other animal that attacks crops, food, or livestock? The word “Pesto” actually comes from a Genoan word than means pound because you used to have pound this stuff together with a pounder. But since we blend it now, we should probably change its name to “Blendo.” Also, the term “gimme a pound” Comes from the Genoan term: “May I please borrow your pestle.” If you can’t get hold of any basil, pine nuts, or the other ingredients; you can make a pesto with: butter, cottage cheese, garlic-salt, pistachios, and parsley. Well this will earn you an instant lifetime ban from Italy, sometimes that’s the price you have to pay to make your way in this unforgiving world. ♫ Pesto, you’re what a mess though ♫ ♫ Inside my chesto ♫ ♫ Pesto ♫ ♫ Pesto, let’s make a nesto ♫ ♫ Where we can resto ♫ ♫ While I digesto ♫ ♫ Pesto ♫

100 thoughts on “Pesto – You Suck at Cooking (episode 73)”

  1. Italian intro killed! Good job, luv ur comedy man, I have been hooked last 3 days since it popped on the feed 😀

  2. I live in Maine and I had a pet cactus, when ever I took it out for a walk the pine trees would try to fight it.

  3. "while this will earn you an instant lifetime ban from Italy, sometimes it's the price you have to pay to make your way in this unforgiving world". Okay you made me laugh, your ban is dissolved.

  4. Wow u provided subtitles in Hindi. Now that's a sweet gesture. U have to be a Canadian for this.
    Lots of love from apart of Easto,
    To the east of Westo
    Where we have no Resto
    n Coriander chutney is the closest to Pesto..

  5. I did that last recipe the day before my vacation. To Italy.

    Let’s just put it this way, it didn’t go well.

  6. Honestly, all of your videos are hilarious. And your voice is so nonchalant while saying the most random things. Love it!

  7. Actually you still pound it today because you dont want it to get warm (a lot energie is relieved when crushing things with a blender) or otherwise your pesto is gonna get really bitter

  8. teescccoooo, where I get peeesttttooo, you might destet, ooohhhh. But I'm not cooking peeeeesttttooooo, pppeeeestttttooooooooooooo.

  9. You know the saying – when life gives you lemons, make pesto, provided you also have a ready supply of basil, pine nuts, olive oil, and perhaps a splattering of pistachio

  10. the way he talks reminds me of tina belcher. these videos are literally like tina giving me a cooking tutorial

  11. Sauce not for ice cream tho. Ouch! Crushing your nuts! Oh, you meant the PINE nuts. You are nuts; we 😘 you.

  12. English:You suck at cooking yeah you totally suck
    Phillip:Ýóùr əñıŧà đukġù ðukgu yeah ÿım thofnaomivg ðukgu

  13. I just discovered you and loved your videos. And then you showed me your love for basil… And I fell in love all over again. Im not gay but lets get married.

  14. You got the texture wrong, it ended being like a some sort of cream, but since the original texture is made using a pounder, when you use a blender, you gotta try to imitate the original texture of it, but besides that, good work.

  15. You made a throwaway comment about 500 years ago but out of interest they’ve found recipes for pesto from the times of the Roman republic.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *