Remembering Greg Giraldo’s Best Burns

Mr. Greg Giraldo Greg Giraldo Greg Giraldo Thank you. Pillsbury jewboy.
Pam Anderson is here everybody. You’ve caused me
to spill more seed than Muhammad Ali
at a bird feeder. Speaking of anal warts.
Good to see courtney love here. Gilbert Godfrey to you.
Who would fuck you? You have the sex appeal
of a school bus fire. Brigitte Neilson’s here. Good to
see you sitting up sweetheart. Hulk Hogan’s here everybody. You’re an old man who dresses
like a Hooters waitress. Look at you you horse toothed
bastard. Brian Posehn look at him
that giant fucking ghoul. John Stamos look you.
You greasy Greek bastard. Jimmy Kimmel isn’t he doughy?
John Lovitz you fucking gay weeble. Bob you are a genital
wart on the cock of American
culture. You been in more turd than
Andy Dicks penis.
That was that was great Jim I’ve never seen you be funny on
TV before You starring
in a show about books and reading is like Tom Cruise starring in a show about
vaginas. Look at this deus fat guys old ladies and an
asian. I feel like I’m on a bus
to Atlantic City. Holy shit Kat, you like afro
sheen. Some white people
have heard of you but no one knows what you do. Ice-T you fucking fossil.
You’re so old The first thing you bought
with your record deal money was your freedom. It’s hard to believe you can be
so out of shape considering how often the townspeople must
chase you around with torches. Your pussy’s so big. Sylvester Stallone
left his career in there. C’mon John there hasn’t been
a more feminine Jew in the closet since. Anne Frank I’ve never roasted
an oily cadaver before. You’re like a turd with teeth.
Look at yourself. I love the crown
you look like King Lear got trapped in a forest fire. You’re like a skeleton
wrapped in electrical tape. Hasselhoff have you ever not
been drunk? You used to have a car that
started when you talk to it. Now I have a car that won’t
start when you blow into it. You’re such a drunk
when alcohol does its taxes it lists you as a dependent. That’s a good fucking joke
everybody eats what we call roasting.

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