*WHOPISH* Top of the morning to ya laddies, my name is Jacksepticeye and welcome back to Oh…Sir! The Hollywood Roast. I’m here with Robin this time so I’m gonna kick his assYeah!I was too…We’re back to it. I’ve been practicing as well.I was too busy beatin’ the shit out of CPUs I was like… not good enough! I need a challenge!It’s not as satisfying, you need to hear my cries of defeat!Even though I was fuckin’, I was horrible in the last episode! *laughs* I kept losing to naked Gandalf!It’s very random though, isn’t it?Yeah.Not now though!Roast on a couch, roast on the internet. Can I… roast on a oven?Ooh that sounds tasty, I haven’t had lunch today, stop!HahaOK I’m gonna be “Jack!”*laughs* I wonder if they… used another line and cut it off.Yeah. It sounds like he’s supposed to say something and they just chopped the audio.I think they took it out of the “My name is Jacksepticeye”, it’s just “Jack!”Ohhh, might be yeah haha.Wait… I got “One to Fool Them All”, “The Good, the Bad and Your Momma”, or “A Wrinkle in Time”. Waiting for someone to roast…There’s my friend!Why are we on different…We have to roast each other from across the world!Oh OK! *shouts* HEY! YOU SUCK!It’s just an empty map and you – oh shit!Oh no!This is cultural appropriation!And sometimes she doesn’t even say her sentences. She just goes “hrrshrbrshhrr”*laughs**mimics voice* “You’re hired!”I don’t even see you though, I just see Deadpool.Oh really?! *laughs* Sucks.Umm, oh God I dunno what you’re weak against.I’m weak against strength. Like if you say, my stunt double and stuff.That’s what I’m weak against.You’re weak against strength?! *laughs**laughs* Yeah, well…Irony, that’s your weakness!Uhhhh. Shit. Your mom.*mumbles* I was just drinking…Not my mother!You got drinks? Aww!I have a cream soda.Ewww.Fuck you man! It’s good.*laughs* Alright fine. Pick something. Ohh shit.I aaaaam. I’m picking long sentences. Since that’s what the game kinda… prefers.*sighs* Your mom…Is a lovely woman. Is a James Bond knock-off?*laughs* I fuckin’ wish!Good one! Got him! Hahaha.What?! Learn grammar ya idiot.It said “and” and my sentence was “have you seen the movie?”Ohhhh… That was grammar?!Yeah but… the grammar seems weird because I chose something, I chose “your favourite director”, something… uses CGI to do a space battle? And that was incorrect?Weird.Ooh these are good ones!Oh shit!Oh damn, that’s that 15 dawg! Awww! *both laugh*Goddamn, dude!Got him!She struggled to get through that sentence!She struggles to get through all the sentences.Oh shit your mom again!Double points! Noooooohoho! You… cock-a-lonio.Uhh, your face, haha…Roast ’em! Your mom… Traded a pony for Jonah Hills’ humid undercarriage?*laughs*Err… was spotted watching!Jonah Hills’ humid undercarriage?! *both laugh*Your face will be shot at high noon.Woah. Oh yeah look, I have a… I have a – scope sight in my forehead!Haha yeah you got a little red dot sight.Oh no, that’s a good one.Yeahhh.Oh no!Did you get nothing but the poo poo? Yeah.And…Can’t take a real hit?Why am I helping you?! I don’t know! I need to get a good fuckin’ thing outta this, please!Just choose “dot dot dot”, it’s the best one! Noooo… I’m done. I’m done.And you just got snark attacked! *both laugh* I dunno what that means!Said my eighteen-foot arms!Oh yeah! Well I don’t see that, I just see you banging yourself in the head with Thor’s hammer.*laughs* Oh you sh…Double points!You’re kicking the shit outta me! Wait… that was only fourteen? Kinda sucked.OK now I’m going for your mom ’cause you – you’re not gettin’ your mom again!Noooooo! I was hoping you didn’t see it.Your mom went straight to video.*laughs* I was just thinking that.A stain-ridden casting couch? That’s my favourite line in the whole game.Your mom mounted your dog. *laughs*Ohhhhh, gross. No that’s what I was gonna pick!Uhh, your adopted kids had an affair with…
the sheriff!Ohhh! Scandalous!I dunno what I’m doing! *laughs*Uhh, dammit, I don’t… I don’t form the sentences, I just keep clicking things that don’t get me caught out.Yeah same!Uhh… I guess I don’t have a… conjugation, is it?Oh no! Your mom mounted your dog and was hung because of… Your ex!Oh shit. Went straight to video.Oh I’m gettin’ ’em!Oh I’m gettin’ ’em!Give ’em the arms Jack, hit ’em with the dab.Aww no, I can take this.Look… nine?*laughs* Oh nooo!*laughs* Dang it!But your adopted kids again! Noooo why?! You suck!Ahhhhh, double point! Doubuh-ruh.Ah, fuck. Your… character…Dun-dun-dun.*laughs* Your adopted kids…Uhm, uhm, uhm…Uhm, tweet – uh – this one.Ah I was gonna pick that.Haha! Your character is… a worse version of…I got him. I got him.
Oh I got ya by the honchos now.My sister?No *laughs*Uhhh… *mumbles* And… and?Oh shit I got you now.I have a secret one.My pulsating groin bulge. *laughs*Whatchu got?Wait, this needs to be… I wonder if this is gonna fault me, this needs to be pluralised.Oh it works! Heheh. And pursue Manga?Peruse. Oh, peruse.Your character is a worse version of my pulsating groin bulge.Ahhh, I think that’s a compliment.I’m comin’ back. And you couldn’t beat Karate Kid?!Owww! Oh shit! Originality!Ohhh! I’m dead!Oh damn, look at this! Ohhh, I’m so dead!Forty-nine!*laughs* Oh shit!Ohhhhh! Oh yeah your face…Yeah, you’re just a guy in spandex. Psssht.Oh no, you ruffled my hair, as well as my jimmies.Yeah, getting combos is OP.
*both laugh**mimics voice* Ord west-uh.I’m the – that doesn’t even sound like they’re insulting each other when they do that.Yeah! *laughs*OK.I win.Do we do… oh, random re-shoot, I like this!What does that mean?Waiting for a co-star… there we go.It means that everything’s randomised again.Or fuckin’ not! *laughs**laughs* The exact same thing?!OK, OK, OK let’s cancel out of this!
*both laugh*Random re-shoot. Fuuuuuck *giggles*Escaped *both laugh*Woah. Phew!Roast your friend. Room password.Ummm…Perky nips.*laughs* A’iight.Whatchu got? Whatchu got? Ooooh… welll…*clears throat*I don’t know.
*both laugh*Your face.Awh! I was going to go for that face.Your dad. Oh no!Yeah that’s right, bitch.*laughs*
As if that is an insult on its own. “Your dad.”Oh shit!*laughs* Have you seen your dad?!Well… your face… ruins the British accent?*laughs* Oh no, this one! *laughs* Your face was stretched into a trilogy.*laughs*Your dad…Ahhh fuck.Was in… a damsel in distress?! Smells like mothballs! *laughs*Nohoho!Come on, he’s just old and mouldy.That’s what old people do.Your face stretched a move into a – uhh –A-and.I also and! *laughs*Nawww! *laughs*
And, err… I guess it just was rated ‘F’ for failure.
Boom.Ohoho not my face, you rated my face ‘F’ in an episode before!*laughs* Yep!
It’s canonical now.And devoted a journal entry to…That’s not a… thing! Alright…I guess I’m done. Am I – am I gettin’ you yet?!Are – are you feeling it?!Are – are you dead?!I’m really hurtin’ over here.Please. I need a burn heal.And… ruins the British accent.Was in…
Meditated on. *laughs*GET ‘EM JACK!ROAST ‘EM!FUCK ‘EM UP!Ahh, that’s not so bad.
Oh well OK it’s kind of bad.Kinda stings a little bit. RO-ast!Owww!You already look fucked up!No it’s a strat, I’m building up my
comeback points!*laughs* It’s your poker face!*laughs* Yeah. Ohh! Ohh!Ohh you got me!You…
Err…Can’t hold liquor *laughs**laughs* That should be the thing!My weakness should be that as the Irishman.Yeah yeah yeah.Oh that’d be good.Your mentor is worse than nude Tom Hardy.*mumbles* I was gonna pick that one.I know, that’s why I picked it!
Tryna dick you over!Oh the kodamas are in the background!*mumbles* I didn’t… *mumbles* They were.Oh shit!