ROASTING MY OLD HAIRSTYLES

ROASTING MY OLD HAIRSTYLES


Don’t mind me, I’m just getting in the zone. Just channeling the most successful YouTubers, so I know how to start this video without being dull, without being repetitive, without just looking like an annoying shithead. Okay, go ahead. Hey guys, welcome back to a brand new hairdo. That was too long winded but I can’t be assed to do it anymore. Hello everybody, it’s everybody’s favorite YouTuber back in the game with another video. What’s up bro, my name is- not gonna do it I dye my hair a lot, okay? I dyed it just now. In case you missed my cringy beauty channel it is the, Vidal Sasoon uh ‘Dark Gold Brown’. Still not good at that crap, not gonna try and pretend I am. I’m pretty confident now at this stage, where I can say I have had my hair every single colour you can imagine. I used to be able to say “Every single colour except for yellow” and then… We’re gonna get into that in a minute, alright. The only thing I haven’t done is rainbow hair, because every time someone says “Oh my god, you’d look so good with rainbow hair!”, I think “Are you old enough to be on the internet?” Not dyeing my hair fuckin’ rainbow piss streaks, alright. I’m not six. I’m also not Avril Lavigne, please tell that to me four months ago. Why did I keep saying ‘rad’? Why did I always say ‘rad’? Only complete losers say the word ‘rad’ unironically. Pj. It’s fair to say a lot of colours. This is my point. I’m sorry, I’m getting distracted, I have one sip of Diet Lemonade, and now I’m on the fuckin’ floor, like a kid with a Bacardi Breezer. And over the course of the last four years, I’ve made some pretty bad fuckin’ hair boo-boos. Okay? There are going to be some people in the comments saying “I liked those hair colours, I thought they were great!” And there’s going to be some people in the comments being all like, “Well, you know personally, Emma, I think you look more beautiful with natural hair colours” As if your fucking opinion about my hair actually matters, sorry. It sounds really mean, but it’s just, there is nothing more arrogant than someone leaving a comment assuming that their opinion on my hair is worth more than my opinion on my hair. Please don’t tell me what you prefer and what you think I should do with my hair. Go f- yourself. Sorry. I’m in a weird ‘probably shouldn’t make a video when I’m this kinda mood’. You can have opinions on what you think is my best hair colour. Everyone’s got opinions, Opinions are like arseholes, they probably smell and you shouldn’t put your dick in ’em. Anyway, right. Let’s get on with this. So today I thought we’d just step back into memory lane, Look at some bad fuck ups, and just roast the shit out of it. Let’s go back to the start. Oh take me back to the start 2012 Emma Blackery, with your fake ass clip-in extensions. With no extensions at the front so it just showed how terribly short your hair actually was. You look fuckin’ terrified. Where is your nose? Also, learn how to use fuckin’ hair curlers you twat. Pink hair 2013 Emma, what’s your Tumblr? Also, you had to photoshop that picture because half your hair was patchy yellow, and you look like this fucking dude. Cyber-purple 2013 Emma, where’s the rave? Just look at the damaged mess that was my hair at the top, and then these beautifully natural, perfect, flowy extensions that weren’t split off and breaking. You’re a fucking idiot. Orange hair 2013 Emma, actually, I can’t really fault that, you look pretty fucking good. Blue h- (wheezes) Fucking hate this. Blue hair 2013 Emma, It wasn’t that blue, you photoshopped it. It went back to this horrible sea green within two days. You kept it for two days, and then you got rid of it. You didn’t suit blue. It is the worst colour you had, but I am gonna let you off because it’s still not the worst attempt at blue hair on YouTube. Keep fuckin’ roasting me in your fuckin’ videos you little bitch. Pink and purple bucket fringe 2013 Emma. Why did people like this? My ex-boyfriend said this was his favourite hairstyle I ever had. Should have ended it there really. Red hair 2013, pop punk, ‘Go The Distance’ Emma. It doesn’t even look slightly real. Probably should have straightened your own hair before putting in the straight extensions. They don’t match colour-wise. You look fuckin’ terrible. They look even worse in the ‘Go The Distance’ video. I don’t even want to look at it, but I’m gonna have to because I’m gonna edit it in anyway. Black hair, resting bitch face 2013 Emma. Credit to you, you went to a hairdresser’s to get extensions this time. You bought that tee shirt because there was a lot of people that didn’t like you back then and you thought that you’d beat them to the punch because that’s just how edgy you were! You kinda remind me of Seth Rollins.. after a match.. but in a really bad way, because Seth Rollins after a match is hot… there’s your difference. Brown hair, Miley fuckin’ Cyrus 2013 Emma. I can’t fault that, that was actually one of my favourite haircuts I’ve had. It looked fuckin’ bomb. Next. ‘Let’s just shave all my fuckin’ hair off’ 2014 Emma. I was a beautiful egg. This is dangerous territory, I’m not gonna sit here and insult people who don’t have hair. I’m not gonna sit here and say ‘bald hair is ugly’ because there are people in the world who can’t help having no hair. And I’m not gonna go down history as the person who shat on bald people. Or insulted them. Truth be told, I was really insecure about it, but I did it for charity. I’m still proud of it. This hairstyle, well lack of thereof, made my eyes look great. But overall, you did kinda look like the sun from Teletubbies, or Phil Mitchell just merged. Imagine Phil Mitchell f- no don’t say Phil Mitchell fucking a baby. Then I did that terrible thing and tried to let it grow out into a mulley (?) and it, it looked really fucking bad. You could have fuckin’ styled it, you didn’t just have to let it grow for eight months. This is what I like to call ‘Emma is now 42 years old’ I look like a 13-year-old boy who’s mum finally turned around and went ‘Louis if you don’t want to get your hair cut you don’t have to, okay? I give up’. You look like you discovered Linkin Park and never look back. Then this whole fuckin’ wig era bullshit. Someone in the comments literally wrote ‘You try to copy Hayley Williams too much’, that sums up this wig. Then I dyed the wig red. I, I didn’t mean to. I just meant to re-dye it a really bright orange, and it clearly quite fucked up. You can just see the unevenness, you can see where the wig crown is. However, I am wearing a gaming shirt because I was a gamer girl! Look at me guys! I like Zelda! Weee! Basically, I just hate myself and I’m kind of revealing that now. Then I looked I looked like your friendly neighbourhood Chrismas Tree. I can’t lie, I like the green fuckin’ who did it before Jacksepticeye huh? No one’s fuckin’ original, okay? Except me, because I did it first. I’m original. Please like me. This is bullshit about Markiplier owning red hair, Jacksepticeye owning green hair. Bullocks! This isn’t MySpace, you can’t just own something. Wow, that’s the cringyiest fuckin’ picture of me of all fucking time. Fake glasses! Then came this bullshit. ‘I’m just gonna undo all my fuckin’ growth process’ 2015 blonde hair, dickhead Emma Blackery. To this day I still get comments from people saying ‘I still think your blonde pixie was the haircut that suited you the most’ ‘I still think this is the best thing you’ve ever had’ like fuckin’ ass. I hated this the second I got it done. I kept it for a while because people were nice about it, and it made me feel good but I didn’t like it. Short hair makes my face look chubby. Let’s just move on before I get mad. Was this just your second attempt at being Miley Cyrus? ‘Cause you’re not Miley Cyrus. Okay? Your tongue cannot reach those horrible places. This was only this year! This was only this year! I’m already cringing at it, it’s a new fuckin’ record. I was just sick to death of short hair, it was annoying me so I thought ‘I’ll just plonk a wig on, no one will know’. It was a cool colour alright, I admit it. Just the whole fuckin’ ‘rad’ thing that I had going on. That’s where I started to do this really stupid rebrand of ‘rad, rad rad!’, ‘two videos a week’, ‘I’m really down with the kids’. fuck you fuck you It was a cool colour, but it just, it was fuck you and your wigs I can’t fault the long extensions, when they were done nicely I looked fuckin’ smoking. But I had to take them out because they were just getting ridiculous to maintain. Finally! We’ve reached the pinnacle of bad hair choices. ‘I’m gonna dip my hair in custard so I can look like Hayley Williams yet a fuckin’ again’ Summer 2016 Emma Blackery The only good thing that came out of this was a picture of me, Jack and Mark all next to each other and people said that we looked like a traffic light, that was funny. That was the only purpose it served. Fucking, I met BabyMetal looking like this. BabyMetal as in like, pretty much the coolest thing from Japan right now. I got to present them an award, so their impression of artists in the UK which is some yellow-haired fuckin’ pillock in a terrible skater dress. And if they never tour in the UK again it’s my fault because that hair was fuckin’ stupid. The regrowth was ugly, you look dumb. I’m just so goddamn glad I got rid of the yellow. As you can tell, my hair kind of, hasn’t really grown since and that was in July, and I’m still at the same hair length. I mean it’s slightly grown but not much. Because that’s what happens kids when you dye your hair too much. Anyway, my battery’s gonna die. I hope you enjoyed this sort of gentle, maybe not so gentle, roast of some of the hair colours I’ve had. There have been more and there have been worse, but that’s all I can find right now. Hope you guys enjoyed this video, every like is a vote against Felix’s fuckin’ attempt at blue hair. If you guys wanna see more videos like this then let me know in the comments below, and don’t forget to subscribe to my talk channel where I upload various times throughout the week because I’m trying to just have more videos where I just sit down and talk to you guys. The link to that channel is down below I recommend it if you wanna see more of me. Maybe not me angrily shouting into a microphone, it depends. The sun has just decided to beam onto my face during this segment. That’s how good my other channel is. Anyway, I will see all you guys in the next video Catch ya later, bye~ Why am I walking away? I can’t go anywhere, the door’s shut. And I have to stop recording, I’m a fuckin’ genious. Oh and here’s your homework: Roast all my hair colours in the comments below. Alright, catch ya later *fart noise*

77 thoughts on “ROASTING MY OLD HAIRSTYLES”

  1. Her haircut in this vid look like that one mum that asks for the manager after eating all the food given to them at a restaurant.

  2. 1:39 To everyone that wants me to have long ass heavy rapunzel hair and won't leave me and my weird shaven quiff do alone

  3. we have v similar hair timelines and color choices except instead of red i went back to pink and i shaved my head twice (last time was a year and a half ago ) and my hair is just now a bob (after trimming mullet twice) ugh and im trying to keep it brown but i miss blonde lol and not touch it

  4. this video is so comforting. i'm still suffering the breakage wars of 2012 from my decision to go half black half white for 5 years lmao preach that shit girl <3

  5. A hairdresser in my old hometown had a pic of your blonde pixie cut in the window and when I saw it for the first time I was like "WAIT A SEC is that Emma?"

  6. venturiantale has more subs than you with the same intro for 5 years, you make you own every video. Don't mean to be rude, just want to point it out c:>

  7. here is my opinion on your rad hair 2 years too late. but anyways.

    i personally don't care what color you have your hair cause i don't watch your videos, i listen to them when doing other stuff cause i really enjoy most stuff you're talking about. although i think that dark red suits you the best, it enhances your facial features.

  8. i'm gonna say it anyway. you look great with natural colors like you have now. next after that I like the blonde pixie. sue me.

  9. Tbh the yellow hair actually didn't look bad on you…You actually really looked good with it.

    Not that my opinion matters, of course

  10. I'm not joking when I say that, I always cackle with the lines " their impression of artists in the UK was just some yellow haired fucking pillock in a terrible skater dress"

  11. ‘Everyone’s got opinions. Opinions are like arseholes, probably smell like shit & you shouldn’t put ya dick in them’ lmaooooo everytime I watch this it makes me laugh😂😂😂

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