ROASTING NUDE GANDALF  | Oh…Sir!! The Hollywood Roast #2

ROASTING NUDE GANDALF | Oh…Sir!! The Hollywood Roast #2


I’m starting the intro out here because you have to listen to this. It’s not over though, this is how this game loads up. I don’t know why, I think it was just (Jack tries to imitate background music) I’d like to imagine it is just an eight year old in the background and they were just recording randomly like, “Hey that’ll fucking work” Anyway, top of the morning to you ladies my name
is jacksepticeye and welcome back to Oh Sir the Hollywood roasts. So we’re going to
continue with my little Jackaboy and we are going to enter my career because
there’s a few people there’s a few Hollywood “stars” that are, wait for it wait
“Top of the morning to you ladies, my name is jacksepticeye” Yeah there we go I didn’t
know I could actually click in and see my, my stuff. Top o’ the mornin to ya laddies
my name is Jacksepticeye and I’m the most- that’s what I used to write before. My
thunderclap is feared around the world and I bring the green heat with me
wherever I may roam. I am 100% one-of-a-kind. So I think the thing
that gets Jack in the game because they repurposed the Deadpool lines I think for
my character. They still actually talked to me about putting my voice in the game
and I’m trying to coordinate with them on that and I’m going to try and get
that done because that would be hilarious. It’s just hard finding the
time to sit down and record all this stuff but I think the thing that Jack’s
weak to in this game is originality which would be perfect for, for youtubers
anyway. Okay are we moving on to the greasy
wizard? I thought we did the greasy wizard. No. We have two left to go. I think
I can get this. Use at least three comebacks get a times two combo and win the roast. Okay wait can I figure out what Gandalf is weak to. Let’s actually just figure
that out for ourselves first. “Some like em’ shy, I like em’ shy-er.” Haha I like ’em shire haha he likes hobbits. Whatever you heard I’m innocent.
I don’t know what you’re weak against Jack. Okay let’s just do it anyway. What’s up? Gandalf. “I’m here to claim the free gold ring I saw on Craigslist, is this the place?” “You’re too late. I was here first.” “You have it then?” “Not exactly. I’ve looked everywhere and all I’ve found are whips and chains.” “Clearly the ring hasn’t presented itself to you because you’re not worthy to
behold it” (Oh shit!) “And I imagine you’re worthy?” “Way worthier than you!’ Oh
fuck yea it also says mellah at the bottom. Um, Kim Kardashian’s spicy home video hahahaha
your face or your red carpet dress your face that’s fine. This is fucking gold though. Um, oh god I don’t know, tweeted angrily about. I
might lose this one. “Miss you my precious” with the little sauron thing has a love heart that’s adorable I have nothing there’s nothing I
actually can’t do anything learn grammar me why did I click that? I
should have just waited oh fuck I’m so dead Gandalf is gonna yell the face off
me Oh no “Your face tweeted angrily about…eey…uhnn” Ooh erm I’ll come back to you in another one “Kim Kardashian’s spicy home video was spotted at an after party with your red carpet dress!” All of that did
five? So I technically gave you eight cuz I’m stupid. Chris Nolan’s pretentious
script your character your character Let’s start with that I might attack your
character. My iconic costume oh no your character went to rehab because of Chris Nolan’s preten- because of drank
your milk shake did you go to rehab because of drank
your milkshake? oh my iconic costume is inspiration for
a man-bun and desperately needs acting lessons? I think we got him
let’s fucking nail this bitch nail him to the wall Jack “Your character went to rehab because of
Chris Nolan’s pretentious script and desperately needs acting lessons!” ah 18
motherfucker get that shit “Your iconic costume is the inspiration for a man-bun!” Wait my costume counts as originality you greasy bitch oh imma get you Gandalf
imma get you um your therapist your ex your therapist Oh your therapist has a we
as a fetish for your ex no no your therapist has a fetish for the Dark Lord
that’ll work coz he’s Gandalf! Who’s Gandalf’s ex? Saruman
what is a weak version of oh no I don’t has nothin your face and your ex blackmailed
your dad but oh fuck you still going but are a weak version of my long firm staff learn Grammar you old coot “Your face (What’s he doing? Stop flashing me Gandalf!) and your ex blackmailed (Fucks sake!) your dad but are a weak version of my long, firm staff!” oh god that’s a fucking mega Destructo bro holy
jesus “Your therapist has a fetish for the Dork Lord” oh the Dork Lord God it’s even lamer
than I thought it was. Can I use a come back? um your face or your mentor did full
frontal nudity your face did bro frontal nudity that’ll work my face is doing
full frontal nudity right now and is the worst version of and shops
and is turned on by oh and shops the bargain bin? I’m gonna try a come back
need to start getting some points so over here fuck yeah oh wait what was that I
didn’t even see it oh oh okay wait oh he fucked it up “You are (That’s a zero right?) as stylish as your mentor and remind me of…eey…unhh” five times zero is zero bro haha “Your face did full frontal nudity and shops the bargain bin, and wait till you hear the
origin story!” this is the last time that’s fucking boring what’s my come
back twenty you two here we go we’re coming back he’s gonna come back though
which I don’t like ah your last movie I guess this was just
you and your last movie disrespected the first lady I didn’t wanna have to go
there people but I had to we’re gonna pull out all the stops for
Greybeard over here but ha ha ha ha ha I got it is yet another reboot of a
state written casting couch oh that’s insinuating the Gandalf was in porn
Oh got him you and some hipster indie film should do a movie with my crusty
robe damn that’s actually pretty fucking good I’m done Gandalf wanna hear me insults? “Your last movie disrespected the first lady but” is yet another reboot of a stain ridden
casting couch!” That was lame that was only 14 damage “You and some hipster indie film should do a movie with my
crusty robe!” okay he did the same we’re about level I think he’s winning just
slightly okay okay nude Tom Hardy that’s always a good one your dad hmm fucking
got this I got this pound it pound it you just said nude Tom Hardy that’s it?
your dad work with your dad worked with your therapist
good one me and you just got snark attacked
oh and if I if this is me in school right now I’d be getting wedgies and
swirlies all day because that’s fucking lame come on Jack “Nude Tom Hardy (Look at Gandalf right now. Stop. Stop.)
and your stunt double blackmailed you, can you handle the truth?” oh fuck “Your dad (He just straight fucked me over) worked with your therapist, and ya just got snark attacked!” “Hahaha, the ring is mine.” “Fine, I will leave you to your search
good luck oh and if you find a way out of here do me a favor and call the
police” it said goddamn it
he said Mel lawn on the bottom because that’s what Gandalf said to open up the
area to the mines of moria I’m here to cook okay whatever
this is fucking it we’ve got this in sight I’m ready to go I don’t get to
pick first Jimmy Fallon’s phony laughs oh oh oh um your adopted kids because a
lot of people say that Jimmy Fallon fakes his laugh you’re adopted kids went
straight to video your dub the kids went straight to video
and essentially massaged the new Doctor Who for you that’d be good I got this I
got job did kids went straight to video and essentially massage you oh my god Jimmy Fallon’s phone alarm is
reminiscent of your name damage thank you much your financial portfolio is a
poor excuse for your very Hills mansion oh yes quite hockey that one opens up
your financial portfolio was ruined by your dad say it ain’t so Gandalf and
fuck I need some better lines I might have to just continue this one and is a
poor excuse for I need better one any better one
oh hi poor excuse for your iconic cost you got him but you guys can doubt
let’s get Ganondorf what you guys can endure I got this one
watch me do watch me do this is at least a 20 pointer I know it is I can feel it
my nipples are tingling that’s all you know a good thing is going on batters
are static in the air your Beverly Hills mentioned your favorite director Oh a
perfect metaphor for your mentor and blackmailed my loosely 312 your
financial portfolio was ruined by your dad and is a poor excuse for your iconic
costume hahahaha fuckin lame Oh God your ex got cancer after being
exposed to your last movie oh ho oh come on yes oh yes it’s happening it’s
happening no after being supposed to know no your lazy eye cousin that’s
fucking lame your last movie was so much better come back come back here we go
what I’m just wick being exposed to your lazy-eyed cousin but hey I’m just a guy
in spandex I’m not but manage you love to be the little black male your last
movie put that in your pipe and smoke it then Frodo
Oh lame-ass insults going around okay okay I got it I got it
ha ha your next movie Oh God makes me think about I was going to say
a stain written casting couch I was going to say the Gandalf is going to do
porn no makes me think about your dog cool now you get him hey your next movie
makes me think about your dog ha but can’t afford especially in Capote was
rebooted by JJ Abrams whatever son whatever dog that’s fine we’ll do it ha
ha that’s a fucking zero the whole movie
makes me think about your dog fun was rebooted by JJ Abrams I can’t read 12 so
sharing written costume couch and an oak dog O’War fan you didn’t even get
anything for that part good and somebody should call an ambulance or a doctor so
it doesn’t get having a stroke the Ring of Power okay
cheered for breakfast uh Jonah Hill humid under capitated your mentor I
thought it needs make any sense I’m feeling gonna win this one though your
mentor I cheered for brexit cool well Ian McKellen is British so that might
work and is the worst version of for that you pipe and smoke it pick it up
you’re a scandal it’s a worse version of Jonah Hill’s humid undercarriage
oh I could have gotten more I could have got harder on you Ganondorf until
cheered for breakfast and he’s a worse version of Jonah Hill’s humid under
captain with their exact fucking 1800 reminds me of your egg loadout that in
your pipe and Nadu I don’t think you’re gonna be sticking that anywhere hmm okay your face got beauty secrets from the
uglier Olsen’s with it I love that one your face was written everything ha ha
ha ha can I get an end No ah shit I wanted that one that would
have been beautiful can I swim give it to me I’d lean and again a financial portfolio
and this treacherous coven tactical no one cares about your graybeard your
faith God shooting secrets from the uglier Olsen twin and you just got snark
attacked it was a 9mm I’ve heard better insults coming out of my arse
after chili food please open up haha I want to see your mom resembles your dad
oh fuck you’re done two kids and your dad and
two little hobbits should do a movie with a hairy Hobbit oh ha ha ha you’re a
dog turd lastly your dad your man little Hobbit to do a movie with a hairy
Oh mother of fucking fright yes though kinda resembles your last plastic
surgery so put on the ring and disappear oh my god he straight fucked me
oh my pulsating groin budge hold impaler’s and Prince Harry and my
pulsating groin balls is the human version of your ex this is going to end
up in a drawers oh and roll the credits credit dude credit do what did I say
classic compact no no we’re just gonna draw I wanted to win as what was insane
he did sober seven how much do you do thirty Kamath you’d microcut is horrible is the
human version of your ex and roll the credit credit dude
roll the credit credit I get it now that we both lose
open this hangar boy forget this happen now we do more damage um your so-called
career makes the audience sick okay and don’t don’t do me like this bro so
do we like this row tweet it angrily about a lazy pop-culture reference this
has to be it this has to be it I have to win what oh fuck oh no I messed it up I messed it
up fine I will leave you to your search good luck oh and if you come on a fucker
okay I have to reach a nose ah there we go
Kendall you’re the sour you’re right and it’s clear that you and that Kirsten
ring were made for each other it measures when it comes to jewelry
I’ve always looked cuter in ankle bracelets ladies think slippers on
because isn’t that what apparently eating the Kellen wore during the film
with some of the movies yeah let’s fucking do this and we’ve won
left now we’re going up against the full of Wall Street F Parker CFO win the rose
don’t let your pride get below 35 hurt your co-stars pride by at least 35 one
ensel’s whoo so I think in financial portfolios what do you want that this
guy’s upset about Lauren skidmark your career your funding just bride up but
you could fund it summers worth of blockbusters with all that money still
have some left over for loaded nachos the cheering is the dirty hippies god
only knows what deplorable things you’ve done to make it this far in show pit
watch out – you tell me I’m just getting started
okay let make his shit up your so-called career yeah if they hit this is never
gonna fuck them up of the rap game am okay with the
recession and your so-called career um right now the whole team getting a
terrible scenes with this is not good it’s off to a terrible start your
so-called career her terrible scenes with your a character is bad and wired
cash – I wanted somehow make wired cash into something hopefully I get something
out of day money nobody deserves anything for me mother oh no this is bad
okay that’s raised again your ex looks disgusting in spandex did full frontal
nudity okay don’t don’t take this my hustle Attila what yeah you’re exid full
frontal nudity but looks disgusting in spandex
you should get extra points for actually making stuff connect together on a
dollar bill field asteroid first you’ll never be in spandex shit it’s not like
you do for now this guy talk this guy’s like the last one is me end it there ya
go it’ll last movie here he’s just wicked body acting resentment
we’re ruined by an ugly ex-wife 16 is pretty good
ah did full frontal nudity but looks disgusting in spandex yes they’re 18 Wow
take that I have a longer one it says to make any sense but at your heart of
indie film will be found and killed by Liam Neeson and should do a movie with
the uglier Olsen twins oh no that’s for your sidekick made millions off of year
37 Oh fine he’s winning by like 2 1 or 2 ah shit
don’t attempt adorable hands I have to pick that one
that’s cute ha ha ha have you ever seen the tiny tropes that are going around
read it as well those adorable hands don’t deserve any of the award shit
I don’t have any end but hey I’m just a guy in spandex all these are terrible I
could make up better ones in my sleep I got this I could like a mess you know
what new and if you’ve nukes in your room ok I have free reign over this was
written and directed by my pulsating groin bones and your financial portfolio
is about your last plastic surgery Oh straight roasted who once F Parker CFO
for dinner therapist was rated F for failure and was written and directed by
my pulsating groin yeah your financial portfolio is it your last plastic
surgery one by 1.5 I was only 18 we’re seeing gallivanting here the uglier
Olsen twin have you seen the movie I mean that was bad as well but mine
should have been way better your last movie made less money than here we go
here we go well Jonah Hill’s humid undercarriage yes yeah fuck yeah and
fuck yes here we go bad music get me porn you guys movie
made less money than Jonah Hill’s you and undercarriage and laundered money
through fuck I can’t and disrespect the shit I could have got laundered money
through and laundered money through a desperate cash grab your next movie yes and you just got snack you like out in
this respect set here we go and here we go
money through your next movie and you just got narc attack I was not nearly
enough 1:31 that’s good that’s good reboot oh
oh oh now beat it I’ve got tea time with you oh no how
much is that mother fucker hmm okay okay your ex fell for a pyramid team yes
this is good it’s good um what I recited Oh God
your egg vote for a pyramid scheme what is the inspiration for Princess Diana’s
goes oh no poor Princess Diana she did not seem to be warped into this okay
okay my hustle shit do I got anything else can I have anything else give me
something else like to win this one okay when hey I’m just a guy in to find out
your accuracy and fuck is the enzyme gonna win it for me but he’s going to be
B as well and then we’re going into the creek Heiner fan deck god it is not good
enough I’m ready I’m ready oh I can’t wait for it
it’s not enough to keep me like that sorry boss my financing gets came
through after all no now laughter sell my gold-plated tank
yeah the department you are under estimating by crippling natural with
weight I just really need a fucking song on all that time let me see that baby
that song is also a song fuck yes we did it that make you feel
good oh yes we did it y’all we beat it wait I didn’t come up against Deadpool
know how do we unlock him because II supposed to be here
oh man okay that does it for this episode of Oh sir the Hollywood insult
or the Hollywood roast for the hollywood insult that’s what I’m saying
I don’t even know the name of the game I’m too high off the sweet pang of
victory that’s all great but for art that was fun
gaming the system Linda’s won again stand up it was losing all that time
than they did was it did forty two damage fuck yeah that was awesome
anyway thank you guys so much watches I’m sort of you liked it fine shall I
put in a face like a bird and like a rope Shh
thank you guys know fairly news after that Hollywood roast I’m ready for
some Hollywood clothes

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