Rose & Rosie: Rose’s Roasts Compilation (Part 1)

Rose & Rosie: Rose’s Roasts Compilation (Part 1)


-Rose: Sometimes I look at you, right, and
I just go… (Cough) (Cat meow) -Rosie: Apart from Rose Dix, because she snores really loudly! -Rose: Do I snore? -Rosie: Sometimes you do. -Rose: Do I? -Rosie: Yeah sometimes you go a bit like…a
little bit. You’re not like… -Rose: That’s disgusting. You do it sometimes. -Rosie: Do I? -Rose: No. -Rosie: No. -Rose: I’m surprised. You’re loud enough when you’re awake. -Rosie: I know. -Rosie: But I’ll have you know that I already
have my zombie apocalypse plan carefully laid out. -Rose: I know what yours is. -Rosie: What is it? -Rose: Sleep with all of them until they like
you. -Rosie: No, no. -Rose: But isn’t that your style? -Rosie: No. -Rosie: So because I was the youngest, Christmas
was all about me and I got the best—no -Rose: Well nothing has changed much has it? -Rose: Tell me one of your resolutions. -Rosie: I don’t know. Its definitely not to be a bigger me. -Rose: Well, you can’t get much bigger,
can you? -Rosie: Get the job I want. Hopefully, by the end of next year. -Rose: Yeah? What month do you want to be? -Rose: When I make you sandwiches, I make
sure that everything is like really neatly chopped up and nothing overspills the edge
of the crust. -Rosie: But that’s more about you than me. -Rose: No, it’s not. It’s so when you fucking get your big fucking
gob into them, it doesn’t spill out the sides, fatty! -Rosie: You like my big fucking gob. -Rose: Yeah, but apparently, you’re always
too tired. -Rose: Signs point to yes. -Rosie: That’s good. That’s good. -Rose: What was the question? -Rosie: Will I go to Disney Land? -Rose: Oh, I thought it was “Am I a big
whorey bitch?” -Rose: Rosie, how many states are there? -Rosie: I don’t know
-Rose: Rosie! -Rosie: There’s like a hundred, isn’t
there? There’s like loads and loads because on “Friends”
they can’t guess the one. And what is it? What is it on “Friends” that nobody knows? -Rose: Before, you may have thought that I
was stupid. I’m equally matched. -Rosie: Why do you get the 8 ball? -Rose: Where did I get it? -Rosie: I said, why do you have it? I want to have a go. -Rose: Oh, well you are more familiar with
balls…Right, here we go! -Rose: If you spit that out…Swallow. Swallow. I wouldn’t have thought you’d have a problem
with that. -Rose: He’s got a headrest. He wants a pillow. -Rosie: I know. He’s resting on his own neck fat. -Rose: Like you -Rose: You know, the cutest thing you do is
when you leave a room… -Rosie: You’re not getting sex for so long. Honestly. -Rosie: I’ve obviously given money to charity
loads, but I haven’t organized anything myself. And it was my idea, wasn’t it? To give it to charity. And I’ve never done it before. -Rose: You are a charity -Rosie: It’s not as smoggy as London, though. -Rose: It’s not as smoggy as your asshole. -Rose: I’m going to eat tuna now. Oh, I don’t mean you. I mean genuine tuna, its cooking. -Rosie: How dare you. -Rose: Ok, alright then. -Rosie: I’m going to crowd-surf. There, I said it. -Rose: Oh, my god. You’re going to be really embarrassing and jump in the crowd and everyone’s going to part and think, “no, too fat.” -Rose: Hey, that’s your O-face. That is spitting image. -Rosie: I thought my O-face was… -Rose: I wouldn’t see, it’s always under
a pillow. -Rose: Who would you be if you were a Buffy
character? -Rosie: I don’t know. I want you to choose, really, because you’re
the Buffy geek. -Rose: Clem. -Rosie: Fuck off. -Rose: Rosie, it’s you! Oh, can I get a picture? -Rosie: Are you saying I’m extremely white? -Rose: No, I’m saying you’re extremely
white and fat. -Rose: So, on that basis, Rosie and I are
going to play. I have a selection of crisps. Some are easier than others—
-Rosie: Size-wise. -Rose: –to get into one’s mouth. -Rosie: I’ll explain the rules. -Rose: Well, nothing is going to be that hard
to get into your mouth, is it? -Rose: Her geography knowledge is worse than
mine. -Rosie: Limited to none. -Rose: No, no, just none. No, minus. -Rose: I’m going to go as 22nd century you. -Rosie: That’s future me? -Rose: Close your mouth, Gorm! -Rosie: What was your biggest regret and then
you can not do it. -Rose: Ooh, but I think I’ve already done
mine. -(internal screaming) “BITCH WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK!” -Rose: Ok, you can do that. Give me a second thing you can do. -Rosie: Command the attention of a room. -Rose: No, Rosie. -Rosie: Just by walking in. -Rose: People don’t have a choice when you
walk into a room. They hear you and then they see you. -Rosie: I was talking about smell, but… -Rosie: I don’t—
-Rose: Rosie, don’t hurt yourself, baby. Don’t hurt yourself. Come on. Give it up. -Rosie: I don’t like numbers. -Rose: I can smell wood burning. -Rosie: What does that mean? -Rose: Aww. -Rosie: What does that mean? -Rose: That your brain is working real hard. -Rosie: Aww! -Rose: “If you and Rose hadn’t met each
other, how different do you think your lives would’ve been?” Well… -Rosie: This is really funny because you asked
me this like the other day. Didn’t you? -Rose: Yeah, my life would’ve been a lot
quieter, I think. -Rosie: Some may say you’re my better half. -Rose: You’re my butter half. -Rosie: How’s that? -Rose: Because you’re greasy. -Rose: If I was stuck in a cube of cheese,
would you eat my way out? I can’t, I’m tied up and my mouth is closed
and your hands are tied and your feet are. -Rosie: Could I not bite it and spit it out,
bite it and spit it out? -Rose: Look, you’re a swallower and we all
know it. -Rose: Alright, then what is the biggest piece
of advice that you’d give your future child, based on your own life and experience? -Rosie: Based on my own life and experience,
I would say— -Rose: Keep your legs shut. -Rose: I hate everybody you’ve ever slept
with. -Rosie: Fine. I’m fine with that. I hate everybody you’ve ever slept with. -Rose: I hate a LOT of people. -Rose: Why has her breath changed? -Rosie: Because her…she’s lost her teeth
and she’s getting that…I don’t know. -Rose: Why did yours change? -Rose: Hey, Rosie! -Rosie: Yeah. -Rose: The dog called, it wants its breath
back. -Rose: Before we get married, we have to talk
about our one biggest regret. -Rosie: Ok.
-Rose: Mine’s marrying you, what’s yours? -Rose: I think you’d be… -Rosie: A leopard. -Rose: No, I know what you’d be. -Rosie: I think I’d be a leopard. -Rose: No, you’d be…no. -Rosie: Let me tell you why. Number one: Leopard print. Tacky, but I love it, right? So, leopard print, right? Number two: Can’t change the spots. -Rose: I don’t think you would. I think you’d be a moorhen. You know those things that bobble their neck
when they walk? That’s you. The ones that just go…you know? And they just hang around. -Rosie: Yeah, I know what a fucking moorhen
is. -Rose: Ok, so we’re talking academia. We’re talking… -Rosie: Why do you say “aca-dee-mia?” Is that how you say it? -Rose: Yeah. -Rosie: It sounds like some kind of rare disease. Like “ugh, I suffer from the academia. Don’t touch me.” -Rose: Rosie, I don’t think you could ever
suffer from academia. No offense. -Rose: Maybe you should’ve studied the GCSE
that kept your pants on. -Rosie: Seems like I know more life lessons. -Rose: Oh really? Lightbulb studies? -Rosie: Yeah. -Rose: Congratulations. -Rose: Really? My body’s a temple. What’s yours? A dirty temple? -Rosie: She just came up to me and told me
that I was a blonde bimbo and I would amount to nothing other than hanging off the arm
of a footballer. -Rose: Yeah. -Rose: Wow, so you’re saying that looks
matter to you? -Rosie: Yeah, looks matter to me. Do they matter to you? -Rose: Well, they obviously don’t, because
I’m with you. -Rosie: Would you rather have screaming nipples
or a rude tongue that always interrupts you? -Rose: I’ve already got a rude tongue that
always interrupts me. -Rose: What is my favorite scented candle
smell? -Rosie: You have a fave? -Rose: That’s right. -Rosie: Is it clean cotton? -Rose: No. -Rosie: Is it lake sunset over there? -Rose: No. -Rosie: What? -Rose: It’s hard work and sweat. Something you wouldn’t know anything about. -Rosie: Right, I’m the only one in the relationship
who has a job, and you’re saying I don’t know anything about it. Unacceptable. -Rosie: Oh, that’s something I really strongly
recognize. -Rose: Yeah, it’s called “one night stand.” -Rose: I’m being sick constantly in the
morning. Not just because I wake up and you’re the
first thing I see… (Sing-song) -Rose: Rosie, your sex appeal
is fading rapidly -Rosie: How dare you. -Rose: But you’re really lucky because I
love you anyway. Rosie, you know you’re really great on me
but you know, and I said you know. I’ll always be better than you. Better than you. Better than you. I’m just so much better. I wear a hat better than you. My talent is off the scales. Where yours, doesn’t even appear on the
scales. Rosie, you’re not me so stop trying to be
me. So Rosie, get your onion breath out of my
house. (Upbeat rock music)

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