(gentle music) – Aren’t I supposed to be meeting Snooki? Who’s this? – Ow! – Hey girl! – Hey girl!
– Hey! – Hey, thanks for coming. – Oh my God, thank you so much
for having me, I’m Lauren. – We’re so sorry.
– We woke up late. – Are you guys okay? – No, we’ve been drinking. – We’re shaking, we have the runs. – And I can’t form a sentence. – That’s okay.
– I don’t know who’s upstairs in our bed right now. – Yeah, we’re (beep) up. (upbeat music) – [Joey] Welcome to Cooking
in the Crib with Snooki. – [Snooki] And Joey. – I’m here. – And Lauren’s here. – We’re gonna be making a
detox chicken soup, Joey. – I might throw up. (laughs) – Is there noodles in it? – Look, we don’t need any carbs, we just need to flush everything out. – Like laxatives? – Similar, but like a naturally
derived form of laxative. – You can’t do a laxative if you wanna get banged in the (beep). – It’s like science class. – Exactly
– Like the apple juice? – No.
(buzzer buzzes) – [Joey] Oh, it smells like dog food. – It’s close, it’s apple
cider, have you ever taken a shot of apple cider vinegar? – That’s not vinegar,
that’s like dog food. – Yeah, and I had die-a-ree-errs. – But I’m not gonna lie, I’m not like a perfect
health guru, whatever– – [Joey] That’s okay.
– [Snooki] Thank god. – I do believe in the hair of the dog, so if it will make you feel better, I would love to offer you a glass of wine. – Okay, this bitch is my best friend. – [Lauren] Is that okay? (upbeat drum music) – What do we have here? – So what we have here, is our spices. – Can I guess? – Yes, I would love that. – Oh no! I know! That’s garlic. (buzzer buzzes)
– No. That’s rosemary. – Thyme. (buzzer buzzes) I quit. – Ground ginger? – Yes. – Sugar. (buzzer buzzes)
– Pink Himalayan salt. – Yes.
– Oh. – Tumeric. – Yes. – Cayenne.
– Yes. – So a little bit of the master
cleanse with the cayenne. – I do not work here today.
– Yes! – The salt, the vinegar. – Yes, a little Beyonce moment. – Okay, I’m down with that. – Have you ever done a master
cleanse, either of you? – You remember that lemonade? – I got a colonic before. – Similar.
– Very close, a little more expensive. – I (beep) a lot. – Detox chicken soup,
so these are the spices, we’re gonna get there for
flavor so whatever you guys like we’ll do more of, less of, whatever. And we’re gonna start with sauteing– – Joey looks bombed. – I’m fine! – Are you okay? – The guy never texted me back last night, he gave me his number at
the club and is like– – Really? – [Lauren] Are you okay? – Well now you’re gonna detox,
you’re gonna be ready to go. Either get on a new dating
app or tell him to go. – Should I send him a picture
of my ass (beep) or no? – I mean, did you talk
for at least five minutes, like what’s going on? – We haven’t spoken a word but– – Then ass (beep) picture, okay. Okay so we’re gonna chop the celery, do you guys want it to be fine, or chunky? – Whatever the recipe.
– I like a fine soup. – Okay, get it girl. – Okay so we’re gonna do
some chopping skills– – Eat that chicken. – I am.
– Joey I feel like you know how to use a knife. – Yeah. – Yeah, it’s almost like you’re grinding in the club right there. – Yeah.
– Mmhmm, yeah. – Oooh. – Can I show you how I do mine? – [Lauren] Yeah. – Squares.
– No, you’re supposed to go like this. – Oooh.
– No you gavones, give me this. If you want it– – Honestly, she’s not wrong. – That’s if you want it pulverized. – Oh my God, I did it! This is her segment, not yours. – I know.
– No I’m like very much here to just eat
the soup and drink the wine. – You julienne it into
small slices like that. – [Snooki] You julienne yourself. – And now you do into a tight dicing. – Joey, this is gorgeous. – He’s showing you up. – No, here’s the thing– – I’m gonna stick it
up the horse’s (beep). – I’m gonna (laughs). I’m gonna steal exactly
what you just taught me. – Stick everything in its ass (beep). – Oh wow (laughs). – That’s like me at the club last night. Nicole, we’re French chefs, aren’t we? – [Snooki] Oh yeah. – I gotta get your little
pony in there, there we go. Do you feel comfortable? – Perfect.
– We look like Ratatouille. – Wow, you look great. – Thank you. – Let’s start preheating the
pot so that we can get some olive oil going so that we
can sauté these veggies. – Joey relax, you don’t work here. – It says I do, it’s right there. – [Snooki] No, he’s trying to take over. – But then I can drink
more wine, you know, and I could be on your guys’ level. – Oh Amen. – Yeah, do you wanna butt chug? – Have you heard of the new wellness trend about celery juice? – Yeah what’s everyone doing? – You go to a juice place
and you get celery juice, you put a little lemon in it, and wow. – Don’t waste your money
on that, do it at home. Nicole! (laughing) I’m trying to have a detox. Okay, so want me to put
our hard vegetables in? – Yes. (laughing) – Throw it in girl. – Cheers! – Cheers! We did the mirepoix.
– Cheers. – Yes. – Sounds like menage a trois. – So, now what’s next,
what’s the next step? – We’re gonna do a little bit of Herbes de Provence seasoning. – That’s from France. – [Lauren] Oh, yeah! – Oh, Provence. – This is smelling good, guys. – It really does. – After all we’ve been
cooking on this show, this is actually very healthy. – Wait what about our chicken? – Should we take this
out of it’s ass (beep)? – Don’t, no. – Sick. – Smells fine. – Okay, so we’re going to
do the chicken broth first and we’re going to do a half to half. Where we pour the chicken broth in, all of it, yeah. – [Joey] The whole thing? – [Lauren] Yeah, gorging. – Calm down pour. – Delish’. – We’re gonna hide this bone broth in the chicken broth
so we get the benefits but we don’t taste it. – How about I hide this
carrot in my ass (beep)? – You can. – Oh, take it home. We’re going to take the
kale and it’s a similar– – Oh, can I chop it? – Yes, please! – Cut your finger off. – Like that? – [Joey] Yes, bunch your fingers. – I’m not a (beep) mutant, I’m a mother of two, I’m 30 years old. I know how to (bleep) cut a lettuce! – I’m going to take the
apple cider vinegar, and you guys know apple cider vinegar is like a supermodel secret, right? – No, I didn’t now that, why? – So, most supermodels take a shot of apple cider vinegar every single morning for a flat tummy hack and it’s gonna keep you looking 25. – Hit that.
– What’s that? – It’s apple cider vinegar. – No, it’s not!
– Yes it is, just go with it. – See don’t you feel like a supermodel? – I’m so skinny. – Yeah, chug it bitch. – You’ll look just like Rosie Huntington Whiteley after this. – Honestly, it tastes really good with chicken broth and white wine. – Should we add a little? – Sure! – Hair of the dog, baby! (cheers) So let’s bring it to a boil and then we’re gonna bring it to a simmer. – Should we cover it? – Yes. – So this is great for
when you’re drinking for a couple days and
you just want to detox. – Yes.
– Or kickstart your diet, if you pigged out all weekend long like on Sundays when Janice comes. – Why are you screaming? – Because they’re all the way at home, at the television. They can’t hear me from here. – So when you’re (beep)
up and you wanna detox, you do this soup. – Okay lolly, so how long does this take to cook down? – We probably have a
solid 35 minutes till’ we get to enjoy supper together. – Okay.
– Alright so what do we do for the 30 minutes? – You tell me.
– Well we got stuff to do here, why don’t we just press fast forward and we’ll see you in 30. (hip hop music) Okay Lauren, it’s been
30 minutes where did the time go? – Yes, queen!
– I don’t know. – So let’s check on it, should we open her up? – Yeah. – Look, and that is just juiced out. A nice layer of that chicken fat on top and it’s gonna blend beautifully. – Yes, queen. – And it’s all to taste, you know so as long as you and
Nicole like it, we’re good. This is my soup now.
– Yeah bitch, drink. – Let’s plate this dish. – Look how cute it looks. – So cute, now do you
garnish with anything? – No, cause we garnished
all the way through. – So I have some Parmesan,
because we are Italians. I love a lot of cheese
so I’m taking it all. – So you made, what did you make? – Cream of parmesan soup? – You (beep) ass (beep). This looks delicious. – Mmm, it’s hot. – Mmm. (screaming) – No, it’s very good Lauren. – Oh, it’s so good. – It is hot but it’s packed with flavor. This is, it has an acid
which I love, I love acid. So it’s lemon and the
vinegar, so that’s like good for digestive, it’s good for our– – I almost want to– – Stop screaming. (laughs) It’s good for digestive! Honestly you are, first of all, you’re beautiful. You know how to cook, take it, take it bitch.
– Can someone clip that and put it to my Instagram immediately? – You are beautiful, you know how to cook a nice detox, what is this, soup? Yes? – Yes. – No, we are very honored for
you to come here, honestly. – Thank you so much for having me. – [Snooki] No, it’s amazing. – The food is so good and I’m so excited, you really brought the
health backdrop into it. – Yes. – Lauren Elizabeth thank
you so much for coming, for the detox soup. – Thank you!
– This was delicious. – Cheers!
– Cheers! – Try it at home, and get– – Detox soup guys! (upbeat music)