Bruce Willis. What a career, right? “The Fifth Element,” “The Sixth Sense,” “The Whole Nine Yards,” “12 Monkeys.” Zero Oscars. [ Laughter ] Quentin Tarantino, M. Night Shyamalan, Wes Anderson, Michael Bay, these are just some of Bruce’s directors who…
Tag: comedy central
Roast of Rob Lowe – David Spade – Rob Lowe’s Memoir – Uncensored
– Rob wrote a memoir called, Stories I Only Tell My Friends. Chapter one, the day I fucked your wife. (laughs loudly) You’re almost up. Despite all the insane jokes you’ve heard about Rob, he’s actually had a great career,…
Having Sex Through the Border Wall – Jeff Ross Roasts the Border
Brownsville, Texas. Look at this place. It’s like you guys got to 1958 and said, “[Bleep] it.” [ Laughter and applause ] “[Bleep] it. We’re good.” Yeah, man. I love it down here. You know, I actually have roots down…
The One Baldwin Brother Everyone Forgets About (feat. Flula Borg) – Roast of Alec Baldwin
– Oh, hi, it’s me, Karl-Heinz Baldwin, the youngest of the all the Baldwin brothers. I was separated at birth from my siblings, and grew up in Germany, to become Germany’s most famous actor in the world. I am now…
Roast of Justin Bieber – Chris D’Elia – Most Hated Video – Uncensored
Babyis the most hated video online, like, statistically if you check that shit out, okay, and there are also ISIS videos online, okay? That means that someone saw a video with a guy screaming, “Death to America” and sawing someone’s…
Donald Trump Drops An F-Bomb
THIS DAIS IS THE PERFECT METAPHOR FOR WHERE AMERICA STANDS TODAY. LOOK AT OUR ECONOMY. BARELY MOVING, GASPING FOR AIR, AND DESPERATELY CLINGING TO LIFE. VERY MUCH LIKE LARRY KING. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS, WITH LARRY, WE HAVE A NEVER-ENDING…
Roast Battle – Ralphie May vs. Mike Lawrence
You know, the roughest part of Ralphie’s divorce was getting the ring off his finger. [ Laughter ] [ Explosion ] Told you. [ Siren wails ] Mike reminds me of Pepé Le Pew from the “Looney Tunes” cartoons. He…
Roast of Justin Bieber – Ron Burgundy – A Star-Studded Evening – Uncensored
Listen, people. Listen, listen. I don’t have a lot of time, all right? I don’t have a lot of time. I’m currently over at stage 24 hosting Spike TV’s “Your Mother’s a Fat Bitch” awards show. Some real clever writing,…
Eating Ass Is a Love Language (feat. Chris Distefano) – You Up w/ Nikki Glaser
– You had this bit on 9/11 that went up the other day and you should go find it on his Instagram. It’s probably in one of the most recent posts, but it’s like a 10-minute story about your 9/11…
Roast Battle II: L.A. Regionals Pt. 1 – The Fight for Orange County – Uncensored
– Let’s roast! [bell dinging] – Keith only uses lambskin condoms because after sex, he enjoys a snack. [laughter] – Anna’s just jealous because my body is shaped like the eggs she can no longer produce. [laughter] – Keith just…